I have been married for about 10 years now. Marriage has its ups and downs. Somethings I sleep upstairs sometimes I sleep downstairs. My wife tends to give full attention to everything she is involved with. Whether it is the kids, her job or school but never much attention to me. Lately I have began to feel regret for supporting her needs since my need for sexual gratification has been abandoned for some time now. It is always too late, too early or too much to do. In the past she claim that I was always pressuring her for sex. Since then about 5 years ago I have become considerate of that and backed off a little. She has always been a bit reserved in sexual activities with me but I am off the scale in that area. I feel guilt that I have placed so much emphasis on sex in our relationship. I support her emotionally, financially and I somehow feel that it is her obligation to consider my needs as well. When I think about that fact I feel angry. Angry that I give my all to be in her grace and my now perspective of a realistic healthy sexual relationship of once a week has diminished to once or twice a month and thats a maybe. All the rejection is stressing me out. No on Monday gets her a back rub. No on Tuesday gets her some form of pleasure and so on and so forth. My plan was to kill her with kindness but I now feel that I have been rewarding her for rejecting me. My desire to have sex still exist and grows stronger by the moment till I can take no more. When I try to discuss it with her she blows up and tell me how it is a big turn off. I thought I had a problem with alcohol but when we are sexually active and I feel confident about our relationship I obstain. I thought I had a problem with porn but once again when things are good I refrain. It seems that with me Sex trumps all. The worse part in my mind is that 2 or 3 times or month is perfectly fine with me and at her convenience. I cook and clean often so that she can concentrate on her studies. I spend quality time with the kids, plan family activities, events and vacations to fill the voids. I only want this one thing and because I can't have it I have become obsessed with it.
Sometimes, because of our busy lifestyle we grow apart from each other, and our commitments, children and job consumes all of our available energy.When one of the partners refuses intimacy, there is a reason. Maybe, frustration, disappointment with life and many other things. You need to take small vacations to talk, not about sex, but about everything, how is she feeling, what bothers her, what are her dreams. You need to listen, to become a friend and a partner in her life. Hopefully, with your compassion and understanding everything will work for the best. God bless you.
Hello Kaz707,
I completely understand were your coming from the only difference is I'm the wife. In the beginning when we got married , I had my daughter from a previous realtionship, so we were never childless. Him and I had a great sex life..we'll lets just say it has slowly disappeared to almost nothing. We have had two additional children the youngest being 3 and our middle child our son 10 and my oldest daughter 14 now. I have always been a stay at home mom but i most rcently went back to work and school to pursue a nursing career. My husband has uSed every excuse in the book..setting aside he was diagnosed with low TD this past month. Which, he says the dr. can't treat cuz the medicine causes you to gain weight and he is already a very husky muscular guy, who knows? He does have a demanding physical occupation but, c''mon , Im 35yrs. old not dead he's o nly 40. We all get tired and irratable but, what happen to the love and attraction a husband and wife have? i'm still in love with him and attracted to him..but, this stiuation is leaving me frustated and the bitterness is starting to grow, he is not a communcator and I am, i've disgusted it with him, he says its just not a priority in his life..we do have sex about twice a month I guess, i'd like it once or twice a week that doesn't qualify me as a sex addict.... i have talked to close friends..they say most people would be temped to cheat..I don't want to reach that point...He tells me i'm sexy and beautiful maybe a little caressing nightly not always but thats it..I usually end up on the couch...';m not standing on my head...it's just not the same under pressure condions...Does anybody have any advice ???
I'm in the same situation... It's been four years since my husband has touched me wtih any desire at all. My husband refuses to have sex with me, saying that it just makes things worse. I admit that I get angry when I beg or nag him into starting to get intimate and he acts like it's disgusting to him and he is doing it just for me. "Under pressure" is a good word.
He tells me I'm sexy, pats me on the butt, compliments me on my appearance, but that is it. If I try to get sexual with him, he pushes me away or just passively resists...
I'm so tired of begging, pleading, demanding... If he does not want me, I will start to look elsewhere. You don't want to reach that point, but I already have. I need help, but I'm not sure I want it anymore...This is how good wives go bad
I'm on the other end. I'm 28 and have been married about 7 months now. My husband is 8 years older (36) and we have a HUGE disconnect when it come to sex. I'm left feeling totally insecure and unwanted. I've never ran into this problem in ANY relationship I've ever had in the past. But when I'm with him I feel like some sort of muntant or something because I have a strong sex drive. We discussed it in pre-marital counseling and it was a concern of mine doing into the marriage. He even went as far as to say I was some sort of sex addict! I've had to research the "norm" for married couples (homework from our theropist) and this entire situation is making me uncomfortable. I've lost quite a bit of my spunk and my confidence of feeling sexy. My husband is completely fine with sex only about 1-3 times a MONTH!!! I'm more of an every day or every other day kind of girl. Shoot sometimes if I'm feeling really sexy more than once a day....
I'm so depressed that I'm even in this situation and only think of the future of it geting worse. All the articles I read only leave me feeing more discouraged. I'm a newly wed and should be enjoying the newness of marriage, but instead I'm feeling more and more like I'm going to end up a divorce statistic each and every day. I've tried a ton of things and nothing helps.... he just says he doesn't want/need it like I do. And that he's the "normal" one and this is MY PROBLEM.
How do I remain faithful to my husband and save my still new marriage????