Sex addiction

I need some sound advise from anyone out there that is willing to pitch some in. I am married to a sex addict. He has been addicted to porn, web camming, sexting, online activities of all types, bisexual activity and just about anything you can name pertaining to this term. I have been lied to, mislead, and emotionally abused over all of this for a few years now. I have continually tried to stick by him and support him insisting that he seek help with this. The most he has done is to get counsel together and once it reaches the point where HE actually needs to end this activity, he starts BLAMING me for his whole life and everything that is wrong about it and our counseling turns into everything BUT what the real problem is. I have left and came back at his promise that he will get help and stop. He swears he is not gay and says that what gets him aroused about men is watching so much porn.......then will purposely seek this out. I am so done with this horrible life and feel like I have done everything I can possibly do to help him overcome all of this. Should I stop and leave for good? I do love him, obviously, but when do you quit?

railroad penny

it sounds like u have gone to hell and back with this man.

the counseling fails because he has to confront his fears and make them rational thoughts which he is at this minute unable/doesnt want to do for what ever reason he is clinging to his ways.

u deserve so much better than this but only u will know when u cant take any more of this life, only u will know the emotional cost to yourself if u pull the plug on the relationship or stay.

i think u need to have individual counsuling so u can sort out your own feelings/thoughts and rant/cry in a place where people can help u break down the emotional barriers u have erected to cope with this life style, then u can make a choice based on sound reasons unike before where u returned to the same old same old

as always

loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

D…thank you for taking the time to answer my post. It helped a whole lot. I have made up my mind to leave him the next few days and will not return unless he WANTS to change and seeks the REAL help he needs. I must do this to save my own sanity and very life itself. Thanks!

railroad penny

I know this is not a Christian site so please take what you like and leave the rest. I was exposed to porn at a very young age and had sex with boys in the neighborhood at the leading of an older boy. My sex addiction was mainly porn. But I have experimented with many other things too. ( I won't list them) Anyway, 8 yrs. I hit rock bottom and ended up in the hospital for depression. When I got out I asked the Lord what was the first thing he wanted me to change? I quickly became aware of the sexual addiction problem. I sought a group for sex addicts at my church. I gave myself to the program for over 3 yrs. It was in this atmosphere that the Lord worked to help me and eventually he took away the constant urge to feed the addiction.

I am convinced that everyone can have freedom from this addiction. Your support is your insistence that he take responsibility for his actions. This has little do with you. This is a deep rooted problem that can be healed if he will begin to admit he has a real problem and "you" are not the problem. I would check your local churches to see if they have a support group for sex addicts.

Akita…thank you very much for answering my post. It’s especially nice to hear from someone who has been there and made it beyond there. My next action to take is to leave him if he refuses to get REAL help…from someone or a group that specializes in this problem instead of just pretending he is getting help or wants to then just does what he absolutely has to in order to get by with me. It’s much like the guy in that religous movie, “Fireproof” if you’ve never seen it, I would highly recommend it.

Sex addiction is a very misleading term…it’s been my experience that the addict does not want SEX all the time necessarily but only the pleasure for himself. In the form of porn, all the internet stuff, masturbation…anything and everything. As a matter of fact…normal, monogamous sex or love making is too boring for them and their attention span for that is short lived before turning to something that increases their endorphin center in their brain…much like a drug addict, they need more and more and soon, they are into unusual and intolerable acts for most of the world. NOt only does it effect this area, but it effects their whole life…how they relate to people, they withdraw wanting to spend time with their ‘drug’ and try to make time to do this no matter who they hurt in the process. Irritable and crabby for no reason, abusive if they can’t get their ‘fix’ and emotionally distant and unavailable most of the time…unless they need real, human contact and love…in which case they turn innocent and sweet to get their way.

I am leaving this time and I will not ever come back unless he WANTS to change and he gets correct help, therapy, and medication if needed. I am drained, tired, and have not an ounce of energy for this madness anymore. Does that sound like the right thing for me to do to you? When I 've left before, he’s begged me to come back, crying and saying he needs my love and support to get thru this. Then no sooner do I believe him does he go right back to it! Thanks for your help!
Railroad Penny

railroad penny

this is going to be hard for u to walk away and leave without regrets for what might have been, but u only have to read what u have written to know u have no reserves of strenght left to fight another round for survival.

pleases make sure u take the time to get some support for u at this time, and please let us no how u are going along with things.

as always

loving thoughts adn positive vibes

D :)

Hey Penny, from what you described you've done your homework on the subject & yes it is something that lies within him & something that HE will have to take control & responsibility for his issues/problems. As D said would be wise to seek counseling for yourself, if affordable, as you will learn or already have, that there are reasons one meets or surrounds themselves with certain types of people in their lives.

Take care of you.