Shopaholic needs support please

Addiction & Recovery Shopping Addiction
1

Hi,

I'm new. I have gone back and forth with the compulsive shopping and overspending my whole life. I charge $20,000 on a credit card and then I stop and pay it off, then the moment I charge one little thing on that card I start the process all over again. It's so frustrating. I just ordered two books from the library on compulsive spending, and I was so proud of myself for not buying them on Amazon, which is customary for me 'cause I want it NOW and get relief from satisfying that urge. I have spent over $20,000 on eBay (mostly clothing) over the past 3 years, and trust me, most of it is junk. I am not rich, have little savings, no retirement, and continue to spend like I have tons of money to spare. I shop daily, mostly on eBay. I MUST have one of every color of whatever I buy. I buy stuff I never wear, stuff just because it's on sale and is a bargain, stuff that is not even my size just because I have to have it. I have clothing in 2 walk-in closets, a third closet in the house, and in boxes in the garage. My drawers are stuffed, and I can hardly open the closet doors. I don't even wear all the clothing, many still have tags. I buy more than one of the same item and color. I'm running out of places to put the items and considered storage but I realize that's a bad idea. I look into the closet and I see an illness and it makes me run back to the computer to buy more to feel better, but I feel worse. I didn't buy anything today but have items on eBay waiting to be bought. I can stop for periods of time, then when I think I have everything under control, I start the process all over again. I don't understand this addiction yet, but I've read it's related to childhood abuse and neglect. I hate to keep blaming everything on that but it appears that's what it is.

I abused alcohol in high school and in college and don't drink any more for the most part. On the rare occasion I do, I cannot stop and drink until I'm completely drunk. I don't know when to stop. I don't gamble. I don't do drugs, or smoke, or drink caffeine. I knew I had this shopping problem but never thought it was as serious as being addicted to the other things so thought I was doing well.

I want to stop. I'm looking for someone who has this problem now to go through this together. I would love support from anyone but especially someone who has the same current struggle.

Thank you~

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been there done that. i'm sorry for your pain and struggles. your on the right track. admitting you have a problem is the first step hun. what helped me was support group meetings, one on one therapy and my faith. good to have you on the boards.

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I’m deleting comments due to leaving forum. Thanks for the few who left comments. Not finding the support I need and it’s frustrating me. Good luck to all.

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Shopaholic - it sounds like you want to change, but you may not be 100% committed or ready yet. Do you feel like you've hit rock bottom with your spending habits yet? I needed to hit rock bottom before I did *everything* that was necessary to begin my treatment of this addiction.

Your addiction is helping you make excuses for not canceling your ebay account or cutting up your credit card. It's telling you that you *can't* do those things because in some way you will be uncomfortable if you do. In my experience, being uncomfortable is part of recovery. (I think it would be a good exercise for you to cancel the ebay account without buying the cashmere shirt - to show yourself that you will live thru not making that purchase. Getting thru that will set you up for the next purchase that you don't make.)

I went back and forth for years, thinking I had a handle on my spending. When I finally realized that I didn't, it took me a few more years to get real with myself and hit that rock bottom point. After that, life got pretty uncomfortable and it still is in many ways.

I believe that part of my problem with overspending is because I don't want to place limits on myself. Having self discipline and telling myself "no" feels uncomfortable. But so does spending all my money... I just get that quick high while shopping and the discomfort comes later.

What I've had to understand and stick to is the idea that in the long run, I'll feel better if I say "no" to myself now. The discomfort of having self discipline now only lasts a short time. It's amazing how quickly I forget about a purchase that I didn't make. I don't have to regret it when the credit card bill comes or when it's time to buy groceries and I don't have the money.

Another thing that has helped, is my being accountable to someone else. I found that support system in my parents and it kind of came by default. They are helping me get a loan to pay off my credit card debt. If I default on the loan, or don't pay it, that will directly affect them. I can't let my parents down, so I am automatically accountable for my actions with money now.

Maybe you can find someone to be accountable to, if you can't be accountable to yourself? I think the healthiest way to do it is to be accountable to yourself, but sometimes that doesn't come right away. If you really want to change now and start on your road to recovery, figure out what you need to do to get there. You know yourself best.

I've always been the kind of person that only cared to see what was right in front of me. Planning for the future is so hard for me... so I don't. I do what feels good right now and worry about later, later. Now that I'm a mom I realize that I can't continue to do that and also be a responsible parent to my daughter. I have to think about her future and plan for what's to come. That realization has shown me that if she's worth my planning, then I am too. I've found my motivation in my daughter and that has helped tremendously.

Find your motivation and do things that make you uncomfortable. It's the only way to grow and move past this rut that you are stuck in. If you can challenge yourself and meet those challenges, then you set yourself up for success automatically.

I've only been on this journey for a few months, but I can tell you that recovery from a shopping addiction is a pain in the ***, but also very worth it. There's a light at the end of the tunnel for me and all I want to do is get to it, so I can see what great thing will come next! My own sense of accomplishment goes a long way... loner than I ever thought it would.

Best of luck to you! I'd be happy to support you in the future, in any way that I can.

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i’m not a shopaholic i’m an alcoholic (6+yrs) your post is fantastic advice for any type of “oholic” superb advise. keep up the great work. anything i can do i’m here for ya.

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Being shopaholic, most of the times, leads to credit card abuse if the individual has a credit card since credit card is now in trends of lifestyle. Most people now have credit cards with them and there's nothing wrong with that. What we just have to do is avoid abuse of its use. Navigate out of the forest of credit card addiction with sound tips. I read this here: How to break your credit card dependency

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Hi there,

To the person shopaholic at top.

I'm exactly the same addicted to eBay amazon, loads of clothes for myself and my daughter, crappy stuff too. I pay debts off and accumulate them agin. I had extreme childhood abuse and been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My marriage is over because of my problems I feel utterly alone I've no family and have a small daughter. My debts are high and I just want to be dead so i can end this nightmare my daughter would be better without me. I need support in this perhaps we could help each other?

Do take care

Tamsin xx