Hey. I am 14 years old and have been cutting myself since I was in 7th grade, 12 years old. I loved the feeling I got whenever I did it. For a few minutes I felt great. In control. But after a while I realized that those few minutes weren't worth the weeks of waiting for the scabs to heal. Worrying about someone noticing. So I tried to quit twice. The first time I had quit for about two months before starting again. The night I did start again I cut worse than I had ever cut before. Lately it's been hard to restrain myself from cutting. I've just been really stressed and have had a lot of things going on. My boyfriend, whom I love more than anything and is my reason for quitting, has been hospitalized three times in less than two months. This has been contributing to my already high stress.
I think about it every day. I want to so bad. I know how easy it would be. How it would feel. It's so tempting. There really isn't much holding me back. But I'm worried about my mother finding out. If I started again I wouldn't be able to hide the scars because it's summer. And my mother CAN NOT find out. My mother is a therapist for teenagers. She works mostly with girls my age that cut themselves. She constantly talks about "those girls" and how she helps them. She tells me about what "they" think. I'll ask her questions about it and she acts like every case is the same and there's something wrong with them. She constantly talks about how much she cares about them. Once, she told me that if I ever did something so awful there would be screaming and crying and she would make my life miserable. I was cutting at the time.
I want to talk to the school guidance counselor but I know that they are required by law to notify parents if a student is harming themselves. I'm terrified of her finding out but I really want to talk to someone about this. Any advise?
Do you have any other family member you could talk to?
Hey listen, you really honestly should just tell your mother! As a mother myself, I know there wouldn't be anything in the world I wouldn't do for my child. You need to tell her. She is the best one to tell AND she knows all about it! So there are 2 pluses right there! Don't think about what she told you before, that doesn't imply here because that was purely spoken out of context. She absolutely didn't think you were doing it! If she knew you were doing it, she would never have said it that way. Nobody ever ever ever will love you more than your mother. Always remember that.
Please, tell her. Don't cut anymore, your stress will only get worse as you age. You need coping mechanisms that are healthy for you. You and your mother will be closer than ever before and it will feel soooo good to get it out in the open and not hide from her. She loves you more than you realize. Remember, nobody will ever love you as much as your mom.
I wish you were right about her opinion but, see, she really meant it. When my older sister was 12 she was cutting herself too. I didn't find out until about a month ago but I do remember their relationship at the time. They fought all the time. My sister was miserable and was almost hospitalized. I really don't want a repeat of what happened to her because my mother and I have a great relationship for the most part. I don't want to mess that up. I know she loves me a ton but I'm afraid of how she would react to another child cutting themself. I am the youngest and I've watched both of my older siblings go at it with my mom and go through depression because of it. I don't want to turn out the same way.
i know how it feels to want to hide it! i have so many scars accumulated over the years! i am 25 and also been cuttin/burning since i was 12! i wish i could tell you that it goes away.... but its an addiction hun! it is something you are going to battle with! and your going to need support! i do think you should tell your mom! i get how it could turn out and i see why you are scared... but you said she is in the field... so tell her you want her to treat you as her child and not a patient of hers. and if it would make you feel more comfortable ask her if she knows a different psychologist you could go see! there are ways around these problems!
Its a long and hard battle and you are going to slip and fall! we all do! as i said it is an addiction and in any recovery program they tell you taht relapse is a part of recovery! and its going to suck! i still cut or burn sometimes! i have to accept that sometimes there is just no stopping it because im just not to the point where i can hold myself back yet!!! but its getting fewer and farther between so i am doing something right! and i know you can overcome this too! nothing happens easily though and yes, there are going to be major hurdles fights and all kinds of tough stuff... but you got this girl!!!!!!!
if you ever need to talk to someone just let me know!!!
Stay Strong
Crow
Thanks. I'm just scared though because she was so angry when she found out about my sister. And when her and my brother started fighting last year I would walk in the room to find her crying on the phone with her co-workers. I don't want to upset her. When we get into fights I used to ask her why she couldn't stop screaming and be objective as if I were a patient. She always says that it's too personal for her if there's something wrong with her own kids and she can't discuss it. So, I'm hiding this from her for both of us. She hardly trusts me as it is, if she knew she'd never trust me again. Plus I don't want to hurt her that way. I know I just shouldn't have done it in the first place but I was an idiot when I started and it's too late to go back.
sorry didn't mean to double post there...
its hard to see your parents cry.. especially knowing you caused it... i hid my cutting for years! no one knew! my mom found them while i was having a bad dream and she came to check on me! one day she is going to find out! and holding that pain in makes it worse! and its going to feel horrible regaurdless! if you dont feel like you want to tell your mom is there possibly a close relative you could talk to or something?? you have to let it out hunny!!! if you dont tell her its only going to make it worse when it does come out! my mom says to this day it hurt her worse feeling like i couldnt tell her! to this day i wish i had said something sooner!!
I am not saying run and tell her right away! no! that would put you both in shock! you have to work up to it and work twards it! i am here for you! if you need to vent or just to know someone who understands is there for you i am always around! and i am always happy to give you temporary distractions when it feels like you are about to break! reach out! you started already and that is a good sign!!!!!!!
Peace and Serenity
Crow
Try talking to your sister about it. She might be able to help you from her experience. Also she might be able to help you approach your mom.
tools has a really good point! your sister has been there with both the cutting and with your mom! the best you can do is try hun!!!!
I already tried talking to my sis about it. She said it was a really hard time, they fought constantly, and she didn't want to talk about it. She even said, and I quote, "If you're doing it now, don't even tell me" so I can't really talk to her. And Crow you're right. It's gonna hurt her even more when she eventually finds out. My mom tries to be my friend, but gets frustrated when she tries to be my mother. She's even said before that she hopes that we're close enough that if I had a problem I'd talk to her, but if I try to she gets too angry. I'll never forget how much she screamed at me when I punched a wall and nearly broke a knuckle after one of our fights. I know it would be worse though with this.....idk what to do. I'm really torn
You might try approaching your mom by starting with, " you told me that you hoped I could come to you if I had a problem. I am worried that you will get mad at me but I would like your help with something."
linsey hunny you are going to be torn! thats always gonna be a part of this problem and it sux and its gonna be hard! but the strength you put forward is what will give you the strength and will provide a stronger willpower to fight off these feelings! i promise its not easy! i wish i could say it is! but the best any of us can do is try to move forward!
If your not ready to tell your mom then dont rush it! like i said girly, thats only gonna cause shock for you both! try takin little steps! ask questions and build up to it! i know you got strength i can tell by your words! you got this!!!!
Peace and Serenity,
Crow
Well, lately I've been thinking I might not ever have to tell her at all. I mean, maybe years from now, but not anytime soon. I've been giving myself more reasons to quit and coming up with more distractions when I want to, so I might be able to stop altogether. I've been getting a lot better at coping, so I might be able to just put this behind me.
lindsey,
im glad your are finding ways to distract yourself and reasons to stop! that makes me smile for you!! and i know you can do this! as i said its gonna be hard! years later for me and i still do it but they do get fewer and farther between!
what im worried about with you is that there is something more serious that you need help with! a disorder, thats how they found out i have Borderline Personality Disorder. ! so i hope you can atleast find someone to talk to! if you ever need to talk to me im here! and you mentioned your school counselor... maybe dont tell her about the cutting but talk to her and make sure there is not a more serious problem!
Im happy you are doing better! gives me hope!
Peace and Serenity,
Crow
Hi lindsey,
I have only one word to answer your post title and that is YES.
Take care there are way better things ahead of you.
lindsey hun i have to agree with Micheal! i know you dont want to tell your mom and im not telling you to tell her! i just want you to sit back and try to find a way to get some kind of help! dealing with it alone can make it worse! i dealt with it alone for the better part of 12 years! and it got so much worse! you came to this site to talk and thats a start! day by day girly! little steps! have a good day chica!!!!!!
let me know how your doin!
Peace and Serenity
Crow
I don't think I have a disorder. I mean, for a while we we're worried I might've had an eating disorder, but other than that I think I just have low self-esteem. I get frustrated because for a while I wasn't eating because I wanted to lose weight but now if I don't eat enough I have chest pains. I have them everyday though, even when I am eating. But other than that I don't think there's any under-lying problem
hey there lindsey
i like your approach to this in that you can stop having these problems!
fix your self and your problems w/ this and get rid of it!
that will mean you won't have to stress over how to get help from your mom
if you already know all this I think it is making you stronger in your own right to right your wrongs!
i don't like the labels that our society so speedily hands to us.
We all go through things and it's about us and our own abiliity to learn and to do good for ourselves instead of hurt ourselves..
I am proud of you you are talking yourself through this and finding your own solutions to rid the problem!
knowing that really no matter who we tell it to all we can do is fix this ourselves.
I am in your corner and rooting for you!
to overcome this thing..
so much we are what we think, so don't think less of yourself figure out why and deal w/ the problem to rid yourself of it.
you can find ways to have the extra time and affection from your mom you need during your own trying times w/o having to go into what you have been doing to cope?
maybe you experimenting w/ this because it is so prevalent and around you.
now you know that some things we do to ease our stress and pain , only ad more of it, so we know that it won't help those orginal pains we had to go do that with
sooooooo, maybe you can talk to your mom about what your feelings were that caused you to feel this pain?
and not about the way you experimented in dealing w/ your pain????
In other words, talk to her about what was bugging you and causing you pain and give her that chance as your mom and as a pro to help you or refer you.
I am reading that your problem is not the cutting , per se, or other destructive behaviors we enter into to quell our pain.
but rather the pain that is the initial pain
and maybe that would help both you and your mom for you to talk to her INSTEAD OF looking to experiment w/ these crazy things we do to ourselves...
and if we fix our core issues we will not feel compelled to do so in the first place?
that after all is the root problem to address
and when we address the root problem , we won't feel compelled to experiment w/ things to ease our pain
since you know she has trouble w/ th at one, take a step back and approach her about your issues that compelled you to go there....
hope this makes sense somehow to you, i have trouble putting my thoughts to the paper sometime.s.
i.e. maybe you CAN talk to your mom about your core issues, and why you felt bad and then use her for TALK THERAPY about those issues instead of the experimental things you did to solve your pain.
follow????
which for you would be a healthy response to your pain
be prepared that only some of what you "need" will come from your mom
and that you have your own work to do also
which I think you realize this already.
Pegasus you put it so well.