*sigh* I'm just... At a lost. I can't get anything to go rig

*sigh* I'm just... At a lost. I can't get anything to go right with my life. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I shouldn't be in this spot. I'm 21 ffs and yet.. My life is completely broken. I've messed things up so much now, with being afraid of who I actually am. I can't open up and come out. Not with how my family is at the moment. I can hear and see what will happen when I come out in my head as I type this and its awful. I can't find work, no car nor licenses, I'm living at home, I have no friends expect for a few online. I just want to give up. I hate sounding depressed.. But I am.. So freakin much.
I met this great guy from a dating website, he only lives 3 hours from me, but that feels like he's on the other side of the world. We're starting to get really close, but the distance is killing us. He can't come here, his car won't make it, and I'm a little worried if he would show up cause I just feel like my family will find out (I live in a really small town where nothing happens without someone finding out) and I'm not ready for that. Luckily he understands, but that doesn't help. I'm such a failure right now. I'm beyond the end of my rope. Everyday I put on my fake face, that even I believe to hide the pain. I just wish that i could change.. That my life would change.. I'm trying so hard to make it better... Is just a little f***ing luck too much to ask? :(

Much.. Not luck

At 21 are you in College, home for the Summer?

@Hearmeroar no, haven’t had much luck with that. I hope next year is better