Since Dday, I've spent countless time on reading books , articles, web sites, forums about dealing w infidelity.
some have helped, some haven't
a few weeks ago , i began reading about ADHD and also about addiction in general. My FWW was diagnosed ADHD 6 months after dday).
for me, i found that descriptions about adhd and about addiction, made more sense to me, than a lot of the reading i've done on infidelity. my FWWs affairs don't neatly fall unto one of the web's "7 types of affairs" flavors neatly. Although reading and participating in the infidelity forums etc, has helped me move forward, it still never gave me a feeling of understanding.
things I've been reading about the nature of addiction, neurotransmitters, ADHD, etc.... for me, have helped in giving me a bit more insight into the mind of my FWW.
not that i am saying that excuses her choices. her choices were hers. but i was surprised, that after taking a break from the infidelity focus, and reading about other things, i felt....calmer.....
just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar, and if so, what was the focus of the things you read?
1 Heart
Addiction. He goes to NA and AA. I go with him to learn what he is experiencing. That gives a whole different focus. When your drunk/high 'consequences are of no consequence'. Your right...it makes it different- and gives more insight... Doesn't completely help tho
Yes. When I understood that my H was really manifesting addictive behavior it was a big relief. It was a least a partial explanation about what seemed so inexplicable. And doing this kind of reading can bring about a deeper understanding of your spouse and even increase your compassion for them. That is what happened to me. Although I will say that at times my H got annoyed and told me to stop "diagnosing and pathologizing" him. So be careful about how you express what you learn in your reading. I got used to bringing it out in more subtle ways and suggesting that it might be worth talking about in his therapy etc.
1 Heart
@after28years after dday, i started sanon 12 step mtgs and my wife started slaa 12 step mtgs… but her IC, and our MC both said that she “isn’t a sex addict, because she doesn’t fit the specific profile for sex addiction” even though her behavior was addictive. i only started reading about adhd a few months ago …and wow… it really has helped change my perspective, as did the reading about addiction. again…not using it as excuse, but another lens to look thru