Single with Lymphoma (does it get much worse?)

I was diagnosed with lymphoma 20 years ago (yes, 20). I had one relapse about five years ago, but obviously I have survived well. However, I felt my lymphoma coming back about a month ago, but I have been putting off going to the Doctor (isn't that awful?) I just feel unable to face it again being alone, and so I haven't gone to the Doctor. I know that I am making it worse. I don't even know what kind of lymphoma I have (twenty years ago, it was called "poorly differentiated"). I need to ask what its called with this new classification system.

I woke up this morning feeling really bad (fatigued and overcome with night sweats). I know that I need to call the Doctor on Monday, but I went on-line trying to find some support for myself until Monday. I am filled with fear and now guilt (for not calling the Doctor sooner).
Debra

Do not get upset, stress or feeling regrets. Just do what you have to do on Monday and everything will be fine. Trust and believe in God. You are in my prayers. Take care of yourself and God bless you.

Marcie:
Thanks for your reply (I was waiting for someone to answer). I guess regrets don't help the situation any as there is nothing for me to do until Monday. I appreciate your writing back.
Debra

Hi Debra, there is some good news in this cloud you're under, improvements in treatments and a lot of new ideas on how and when to treat. Things have not gone too far I would predict, because symptoms would have driven you in sooner, so stop feeling guilty and save that energy in case you need treatment. Get all the necessary tests and a good support team if you have to have treatment. We are here on the other end and we are from all different walks of life, marital status, you name it, we are all different! Since when has any cancer ever cared about who you are? We care though, and we gladly give you a place to vent, laugh, cry, etc. We all have the same goal, remission or cure. So take the mystery out of it, and fight the fight, we will be by your side! Keep us posted! Good Luck and God Bless! KBeale

I don't know what is worse having to get up and fix meals for husband and kids or be alone and sick but not have to take care of anyone else. I have had it both ways and there are positives for each.

Procrastination something that often happens when we don't want to face something we need to do. I do that but not for cancer. Don't feel bad, many of us did it to a certain extent. The important part is that you are going to call On Monday and face your Lymphoma again. I hope I don't have to do that, but on the other hand you had many fun years between. You can kick the cancer in the butt and have another 20 years atleast! I hope to do as well.

So get to the doc. find out what you have and your new stage and in the meantime come here and swear, cuss and vent your feelings about having to do all this again.

We are all here for you, this site rocks for support. Take Care. ((HUGS))

To Rascal1: That’s funny about which is worse (I honestly hadn’t thought about the other side of the picture). I guess being single really has nothing to do it – I was just “feeling sorry” for myself, and being single had to add to the picture. Of course, I have friends and children and perhaps being free to take care of myself may turn out to be a good thing.

Yes, procrastination is something we all do, but how much worse when you are talking about cancer! Well, I haven’t procrastinated too long (perhaps a month), and maybe I haven’t done too much damage (so I shall stop thinking the worst).

Yes, I shall come here and vent. Thank you for writing.

Debra

TO KBealeV:

I hadn’t thought about the fact that symptoms would have drove me to the Doctor sooner, and so I must not be in too bad a shape – even with my procrastination.

Thank you for the support and encouragement, and I agree that treatment has improved after all these years. Yes, I fought this fight several times before and I guess that I can do it again.

OK, enough with the guilt and discouragement and I can’t wait until Monday to begin this all anew!

Debra

You will do just fine I can tell by your atrtitude. Keep us posted we worry about our friends!

Thanks, Rascal. Oh, I never introduced myself -- I just started talking (oh I mean venting).

I have been reading old posts and most everyone (at some point) gives their age. Well I am in my 50's also (I won't tell my exact age -- HA!) I am, as said, single (actually divorced) with two grown boys. I live in Virginia.

Yes, I have been a "survivor" throughout my life, so I guess I'm going to have to be again.

Debra

50's must be the magic age...most of us fall in that range, nice to meet ya. I am divorced also, have 1 daughter and a significant other, he is a great support. All this is new to him and he is adapting fairly well. We all live in Wisconsin.

I also have been a survivor all of my life and this hasn't set me back too far, just a small bump. Take Care.

Hey Math-Girl=I mean Debra425-
Well-it can always be worse. And it can always be better. What's right now-- is, what it is. Oopsie- I think that was my 2011 New Year's Resolution.
You ain't alone. We're here.
So much has been changed, learned and discovered with our chronic disease, that people call yesteryears treatments, barbaric. I imagine in ten years, the same will be said for our choices.
Oh-I think I'm the oldie in the group, 64, but I am admittedly immature at times. Probably flashbacks from my hippie days.
Peace.

Yes, a lot has changed. Twenty years ago it was not looking so good for me, and one Doctor actually had the audacity to tell me that I had 7 years to live (well, I've proved him wrong, but I always wonder where he got the 7 from...why not 8...or 6...oh well).

I remember that I went to NIH to join a Clinical Trial on Mono-clone Antibodies. Fortunately, the chemotherapy started to work, and I never needed to join that. Imagine my recent surprise to find that some forms of mono-clone antibodies are no longer in trial and are actually being used.

That expression, "it is, what it is" has been said to me so many times this year that I think it is finally sinking into my brain. I woke up today not as despondent and ready to face "what is" tomorrow (going to the Doctor).

And you go to that Doctor, dressed in your favorite outfit, glammed up, with a smile on your face. And you walk with purposeful steps that echo in the hallway.
do the math

Love it!

Yes, "ob-e-wan master" (HA!), I will follow your advice.

:))
I love it!
Now-go take a walk!

Now, monoclonal antibodies, such as Rituxan, are used in place of chemo to beat back the lymphoma or to "maintain" the "positive response." Some call it "remission" but, not around my cancer center. Must be the nature of this mess........

Thanks for the interesting fact about Rituxam (did not know this).

I hope that the Doctor will be able to see me as soon as possible as I have a lot of questions.

Debra, Your oncologist will see you soon. When he does, he may want to do another(?) biopsy on a lymph node.

I would ask for a specialist who deals with the minute differences between lymphomas to evaluate your true condition. They will do it for you.

Let us know when you go see the onc doc!

OK, I will. I originally made the appointment for July 27th because I wasn't in any rush, but I will call tomorrow and ask for the soonest appointment and hopefully they can get me in some time next week (they usually do when you make it a point that you REALLY need to see a Doctor). I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

i know how easy it can be to blow off an appointment if i dont feel its necessary to go. but… i dont do that much anymore… its much better to go and, well, if you get it over with then thats that!