Sisters

Honestly don’t understand.

I hold alot of grudges against my sister for the past bit…im trying to let it go but it is eating me up inside.

I pretty much lost my second job because of her and instead of clearing my debt im deeper in it(not completely her fault but ya know)

On top of this i has to pay my nephews councelling because he got sponored for the next 10 sessions after and i was put on the spot(i book his appts , shes the reason he needs it) $240 dollars…not to mention the hot water boiler she was suppose to buy… .i dont even have the money . All credit.

So i only talk to my sister when its about the kids and its bare minimum so i mentioned to her that he has a appt and i had to pay his previous ones.

Her response was " ill send you the money tonight"… that was a week ago. To make the best of it? Her husband went gambling(one of the main issues) won 6,000 $.

They are going christmas shopping tomorrow.
And im still without anything. So how do i let this go? I still get dragged into it…

Can you just send a follow-up and say, I know things are really busy, but could you please send the money today, thank you. Maybe she forgot, maybe it just isn’t a priority for her, but it is for you and it is okay to remind people. -SG

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You pay for your sister’s son’s therapy? That is really kind, but I don’t understand why she doesn’t do it herself?

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I would normally but its not a one time thing. She just simply dont care

I had no choice but to pay because he needs it (he is my lil side kick) and i was afraid if i didnt pay for it they wouldnt give him the free sessions after it

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You are a very sweet and caring Aunt!

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Thank you ,i try! I wont be having kids of my own so they mean the world.to me

shocking. I think you should text her and say something like:

“Hey, I hope you’re doing well and looking forward to the holidays. :slight_smile: It’s not a rush, but I’m feeling a bit stressed because Im low on cash and getting in a bit of a pickle. If it’s possible for you, can you please pay me back for the counseling and other stuff soon, if you can I would really appreciate and it would be really helpful timing.”

Be kind, and polite, dont bring up the fact that you know they have money. Focus on what you need done, if she can do it great, if she cant then you dont ever lend her money again (just say sorry Im not able to provide that money right now, since Id be paying out of credit and Im not comfortable doing that." In the meantime, you pay the minimum on your credit card every month, and live off 50$ groceries per week or whatever you need to do. Dont buy gifts, make them, or just send cards. You dont have to go into debt for a holiday that comes every year.

In my opinion* I don’t think you need to resent her, you just need to learn boundaries and communicating them without expecting the other person to change. For your next job, dont tell her where you work or what you do, and dont do anything that will jeapardize your job, make you late, make you miss work etc. Just say Im sorry I have to work and wont be able to cpmmit to doing that for you. You can find another job but you will just keep losing tjem if you cant feel when you are self sacrificing and be the parent for yourself and tell yourself firmly --no, dont people please, it is far more loving to set boundaries for ypur sister to preserve your relationship in the long term bc the resentment you feel towards her will kill it otherwise. And it sounds like she needs to learn to take accountability.

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I think you really hit the mark, they know you are there for them, not just in words and platitudes, but in action. Hugs!

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Imho I think it’s best to offer your sister an option that works for you.

Find a nice way to ask if she can pay you by this date or by that date; giving her a choice acceptable to you AND using specific dates

OR ask her when she thinks she can pay you…having her choose the date if you want to allow that

In the future, coordinate repayment dates if you are advancing funds….or don’t advance anything on her behalf

Good luck

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