So, 11 years ago, I got out of a very toxic, abusive relatio

So, 11 years ago, I got out of a very toxic, abusive relationship. We were together for 5 years. It was a nasty ending, only it didn't end there. I was stalked by my ex and his family. No matter how much distance I try to put between us, I'm constantly found. I unfriended and blocked his account on Facebook, only for him to make a new one and send me a friend request. He won't leave my family alone, constantly trying to stay in contact with my sister in laws. E-mails go ignored and are trashed. I just got an Instagram account, and guess who started following me?

I don't understand why he won't just leave me alone. Just thinking about his name, stirs up haunting memories I'd rather forget. He's someone who specializes in psychological violence. It's a chapter of my life that I'm working on healing. I don't understand why he won't move on. I'm so tired of running and living in fear.

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Uh, so sorry to hear that. That sucks. I have a guy that does that stuff on me - not as bad, but I still get how it stirs up those feelings. If I open my email and see something from him, my heart just races. It is instant panic. And this guy, I don't think he is dangerous, but still it just scars me so bad when he does something. I don't know the answer to how to stop it. I've asked him to stop, I've told him to leave me alone. I block him, he still figures out how to send stuff. If he keeps it up I may start investigating restraining orders, although I don't know how serious they would take it since it is all just annoying, not dangerous and mostly over the internet. I'm not on Facebook, but there is so much information out there that is public that you don't realize. This guy is super good at figuring out that kind of stuff. Recently he emailed me offering to "be nice" and buy me something I had on my amazon wish list. Apparently that is public information unless you change your profile to private and there are links to anything you reviewed. I don't want him knowing what I am buying. I am constantly afraid that I will sign up for something on the internet that would make information about me public. He does not break the law, he just finds stuff that is public. I would love to be able to review products and businesses on line, but I don't dare do so because he will see it. I'm not super tech savvy, but he is - so I feel like I am always afraid he will figure stuff out. This guy is just annoying, he does not do anything. I try to ignore it. I think he likes getting a rise out of me, so I don't let he get the satisfaction of giving him any contact back - I don't respond at all to anything he sends me. I'm sure the reason this guy keeps doing this to you is the same reason he was abusive to you - he is toxic and specializes in psychological violence. You can't look at someone like that and ask why they do stuff, it is not the same as a regular person. Good luck, I wish I had more answers. I guess I would ask you if you think this guy is dangerous or just trying to psychologically intimidate you? I mean do you think he will hurt you if he finds you? If so, that may change your approach in how you deal with this.

@T123 Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through the same thing. This is not a situation that I would wish on anyone. The only thing that I can say, which it sounds like you’re already doing, is be as private with your information as you can online. Do whatever you need to to keep yourself safe.

This isn’t my first experience with a stalker. He was with me while my the ex before him stalked me for a year. I know what the process is like to go through to get a PFA, and I doubt that he would qualify at this point. Then again, I may be wrong…

Anywho, what hurts the most is finding out that he’s latched onto my sister in law, and she and I just had it out. To know that I’m being asked about is NOT okay. To know that I’m being told to forgive the years of abuse I endured (and says that she understands cause before my brother she was in an abusive relationship), leaves me in utter shock. I’m not on anyone’s timetable to forgive except my own. That being said, I don’t want this person in my life in any way, shape, or form. I feel so betrayed. To know that she’s the one reaching out… This isn’t even the first time that I had to have this talk with her! Why? Why? She was there when I told my other sister in law to cut contact. She knows of some of the abuse. I’m just so hurt. I just got done telling her how much I wanted us to be closer to her, two weeks ago. She was on the same page. I feel very alone. She was a disappointment that I didn’t see coming.