So called friend and my pills question

Heay every one. I have a personal trainer that I ahve had for about 6 years now. I thought he was a friend and he says that all the time, but right now I am struggling really beleiving him. I have been in a dark hole and it is getting darker by the day and I get suicidal thoughts go thru my mind, and the voices agree. Well my trainer has the key to my pill box due to this issue from the past and when I ahve work outs I get out the pills I need for a few days. He has had the key for about a year now. He knows I am really struggling right now. I am opne with him about the suicide thoughts at times. I told him last night I jsut wanted the key back, he asked if I had my box with me and I said yes, but I jsut wanted the key. He said he was not and did not have time to get into it with me and gave me the key. In my mind that would be like if I was his drunk friend and wanted to drive home yet he had the key to my car and i asked for it and he jsut handed it over, No he would not do that. SO i am frustrated with the fact he knows where my mind is at right now but just handed me my key. Some days when I want to end my life, he is the only thing left that I live for, is my work out time with him. No I am thinking why bother, he really does not care. Is this wrong of me to think this way. I know also rigth now I am in an episode with my illness and it is a bad one, so not sure if I am judging him for this issue unfairly. But right now I do not trust him nor trust he is a friend like he said. please give me your advice on this.
van

Just remember that your illness and your negative thoughts will improve, if you just give it some time! I would also seek some professional help.

While no one on this forum is there and can see how much your personal trainer cares for you as a friend or not, or what his views are, it may be that he is not quite the friend you thought, or, on the other hand, it may have been proper as a friend for him to give you the key as you were obviously very clear in asking for that. Remember you are the person in control of your life, not your personal trainer. The main thing I think is that you should not form a view on that when you are not too well, but should seek professional help and then things will get better. You can get on top of things! Good luck!