So cold... How can she be so cold? I gave her everything I had and more. Now I am going through the anxiety attacks needing a hug or even a nice word. She only has insults and disrespect for my "disobedience".
Why do I even still care after all this time?
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What are the best things about her? Can you make a list?
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It was all a lie. I don't know who she is.
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I mean, I know she is a narc, but I just figured that out a month ago.
That's a good way to put it. Yes, I guess I should be grieving. The illusion was broken years ago, but I was still trying to fix everything. Just one more thing I can give her and she will be "back".
She was never there in the first place to be back.
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@Anas76 maybe you’re grieving for what you thought is was ? The relationship that maybe seemed too good to be true ?? That was amazing in the beginning ?? That you now miss what you thought was real and that , no matter what the person is , must be grieved because there is a loss . Even though you’re better off , it’s still a loss .
The road to knowing your own self worth can be long, lonely and painful sometimes. Get yourself busy with ANYTHING else. Sorry for your pain, love-pain is far worse than any physical pain I've ever endured.
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@tabbylady Thank you, it really means a lot!
This is something I'm familiar with,still going through it. Constantly,questioning if it was only real to me. Here's a song from Tori Kelly that has been my go to song. This song speaks volumes. http://youtu.be/OKN2ta4gIjc
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@Anas loving is never easy and sometimes we stay with a person way beyond the time we should. Walking away from any kind of relationship into singlehood is difficult at the best of times, but when you have been damaged and used it is even harder to bear the thought of being alone. This woman has put you through hell and you KNOW if you stay with her she will continue to use and abuse you, but you are the only one who can make the decision, ultimally, to stay ot to go. My money is on you. One of these days there will be a straw that breaks your back and you will finally feel justified and righteous in leaving. Right now you are still trying to save her because you want her to be somebody she isn'tand will never be. you cannot fix this woman and it sounds like you cannot love her either, you have fallen into a habit of trying to take care of her and she strips your confidence from you, so you feel that yo cannot leave. You can, but it has to be when you KNOW you can because you won't leave before then. Hang in there and I hope that your "KNOWING" comes sooner rather than later.
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i will givez hugz *hugs*
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Why do you care? You left her for a reason. You do not need her. Keep your distance.
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People think I'm cold, too. And frankly, I know I can seem that way. But I am so incredibly insecure that I just can't deal with things sometimes. Maybe that's not the case here, but have you tried to figure out why she is like that? Maybe it has very little to do with you and more to do with what is going on in her head. It still feels horrible, but at least understanding it may ease the pain a little.
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We care because we are compassionate creatures. If there's anything I can take away from the hell that was our relationship, its that when I meet the right person, i will be able to love completely. Think about your caring as your greatest strength, not a weakness!
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Hi everyone, thanks for all the support. Been "busy" dealing with a severe anxiety attack and extra work.
@Dark_and_twisty17 I am already out of there, the last straw happened 4 weeks ago.
I am not trying to fix her anymore, at least not actively. I am struggling with the thoughts and feelings of compassion. I keep resisting the urge to contact her and help her out.
@starsabound88 You're spot on! I am not losing my ability to love completely just because of one bad person. It IS a strength and I know one day, I will find someone who appreciates that strength.
@Keiry It's not about the cold you are referring to. It's a glacial cold with no emotions, like an evil scientist torturing a guinea pig to see how it reacts to electric shocks.
She twists facts and make it my fault. I know it's all in her head and caused by her past. It doesn't justify the abuse and I am sure you don't abuse people.
You are all right, it takes time to heal and get over a long relationship where one was devoted, compassionate and giving unconditionally a huge amount of love. I just need to keep my sanity and distance so I don't fall under her grip again.
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@Anas76 stay focused on your healing !
Agree! Hope you're doing better.
@Anas76 I am so glad that you are not with her physically anymore, but i think that you are still with her mentally, trying to find a justification for the things she did to you, but there just isn’t one. Failure is hard to accept, and twice as hard to handle when the person you are with is unaffected and blames you. You KNOW in your heart who and what this woman is and it is to your credit that you CAN feel compassion for her, but feeling compassion and forgiving her so you can let go and move on is one thing, feeling it so you can justify going back is another. You seem to be a very loving person and it seems she is NOT so my thoughts are with you and my support. IF you ever need to talk, I’ll be there.
I think that you are still feeling this way because your still attached to her mentally. You need to try and talk to a therapist or a close friend you trust to get all that off your chest. I'm glad that your not with her anymore all she was doing as hurting you and you don't need to be treated that way. You deserve better. If you ever want to talk I'm here although I don''t know you I'm willing to talk to you and help you get through this. No one should feel this way you deserve to be happy and stress free.
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I'm sorry that you had to experience such an abusive relationship. It's a good thing that you're not in it anymore. You still care because you love her. Your head knows that it's not a good thing, but your heart can't let go. It can be hard to accept that we picked someone who treated us in such an awful way. You need to realize that she doesn't deserve you, that no one should ever treat you that way, that you are lovable, and that you can do so much better. You should be with someone who brings out the best in you...that makes you want to be the best version of yourself...and they'll encourage you.
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