Hey to anybody who wants to listen. I feel like I'm on my breaking point. I just had knee surgery yesterday and I barely ate anything. I felt so proud of myself because I had binged last week. Today though, right now, I feel like I'm hungry and I want to eat, I want to eat so badly but I CAN'T. I want to eat dinner but the satisfaction from my lack of eating yesterday is making me not want to even think about food. I don't know what to do I want to eat but I don't. I don't think I've ever been so conflicted in my entire experience with this eating disorder.
I literally feel like I will scream or cry or maybe even both if I don't make a decision. And I had actually decided what I want to do, which is to not eat. But for some weird reason my stomach is growling (this is weird because I practically never feel hungry anymore). I need help, somebody please tell me what to do I can't handle this torment of not knowing what I should do vs. what I want to do
you should eat if your stomachs not eating is never the awnser it is never the awnser to start restricting will only make things worse alot faster you have to return to a normal eating pattern as soon as you can so the awnser is eat you are hungry so eat your body is hungry your mind is whats telling you that you are not thats the only advice i can give
i know the feeling can you eat something small if your stomach is growling then surly your hungry try something like soup good luck i hope you recover from your surgery quickly you need nutreince to heal efficiently
I know its hard, but you need to eat. Don't let the eating disorder win this battle in your head. YOU ARE STRONGER than this! You need to eat to stay alive. Not eating will only lead to more binging because you're body is so desperate for some fuel that it goes into survival mode causing you to do drastic and unhealthy things like binge eating. The best way to break the starvation-binge eat-starvation-binge eat cycle is to start fuelling your body the right way with regular meals. It is the only way to stop that awful cycle. I know, I've been there. It's mentally hard to get to that stage of eating regularly but if you want to be happy and you want to recover, it is the only way. Do you have a therapist or someone you can talk to about this? I would suggest getting some proffessional guidance, its really beneficial.
There's a lot of great support offered here. I hope you'll allow yourself to feel the care others obviously have for you. ♥ They're all right; you need to eat. I know the feeling of pride and achievement that follows eating very little, especially on the heels of a binge. But, truely, restricting will likely only lead to further bingeing. And I know how horrible it feels to fall into that trap, too... Moderation and balance. They're the keys to a happy life... ♥
Swimcat,
This happens to me everyday! But you have to remember you need to eat. Whenever my ED tells me not to eat, I always fight really hard. And remember Jan probably told you breakfast is super good for you and even increases your metabolism 15%. So maybe start your day with an apple or even half an apple? Something just to start your day. And normally after I have breakfast my ED shuts up (for the most part) and I am able to eat throughout the day. You can do this! Don't give into ED, it isn't your friend.
Hi Cat, I understand where you're coming from, the inner angst over what you know is right versus the ED torment. When this happens to me I take a breather and eat something small, just to start and then wait to see how I feel. Hopefully after that 'normal' thoughts come and beat the ED thoughts. I know it's hard when you've binged the day before and when you've restricted and feel better but you need food to think clearly, don't let your ED make you think otherwise!
Everyone, thank you so much. Last night was....really hard. I ended up eating bread, an 'okay' food for me. I felt guilty, but at the same time I knew I needed to especially now.
Taylor, that's excellent advice. Taking a breather is exactly what I needed to do.
Allee, you're right Jan did tell me that. I usually do eat breakfast but these past few days are all kinds of weird because of the pretty powerful drugs I'm taking from knee surgery makes me SUPER sleepy and I wind up sleeping in until almost lunchtime. Really good advice though :)
Jen, thank you for those 2 powerful words: moderation and balance.
Simone86, no I don't have a therapist. I do plan on seeing on as soon as I get back to college because of the discounted rates and the privacy. I'm also still trying to summon up the courage to share with someone in person about this horrible eating disorder.
Cat...I know you are struggling...but keep looking ahead and moving forward...pretty soon, the ED will be BEHIND you!!
YES!!
Thinking of you....hang in there...Jan ♥