So H and I met with our church pastor. I felt comforting wh

So H and I met with our church pastor. I felt comforting when he spoke. He said if there was not love left from both sides, it would be difficult to build back. He admitted to having love left as did I. I left feeling hope. When we get home he sits me down and tells me that the ow came onto his site to discuss the carpet issues they came across. the conversation was then over and he sat at the computer and she sat.... for what reason? She then opened up and said " do you wanna talk?", he asked about what? She replies "about what happened between us"..... is she still thinking about him after over a month? He told me he said he already said what he needed to say and it was only prepfessional from that day..... now my question is. She got dumped by her SO of 5 years because I contacted him to tell him what they were doing. He didn't wait a minute and left her. Now, why isn't she putting all the effort and energy into fixing something they've built for 5 years, they can get married have kids and a future... no!!!! She is still hooked on a married man with two kids, who doesn't have much to offer her, not even good stuff in bed, from what he told me (he didn't give her any O's). So em I missing something??? Is this how sick she is? That after over a month, she still wants to talk. The fake pregnancy didn't work and neither is this. I still don't trust his words, but I have him on a tight gps with no wiggle room. I think she should invest in some counselling or find a church. She has no fear!!!'

She is desperate. She wants someone to want her. The other women are to be pitied, really. I know you don't feel like pitying her, but remember that he chose you and she is an immoral family wrecker because she needs affirmation for her pathetic self. I'm sorry because I know exactly what it's like to feel the way you're feeling.

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@skhc thank you xo. Maybe my problem is I am trying to understand? I don’t see a prize to be won with my H. I loved him and married him. But he’s hanged physically and mentally. He doesn’t have a cash flow for anyone but bills. Now her so, he is physically healthy, full set of hair, and makes a large amount of money that could support her and a family. So what’s left? I see a winner. I feel it’s revenge on me. Her sick mind wants to win so she can get back at me for calling her so, boss and parents.

Please share what tracking devices you are using would like to use them as well.

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@Magicstick22 For your sanity, I would avoid tracking your SO. It will make you crazy. I speak from experience.

Thank you both for the insight. You are right knowing the details and finding out more information will only make things worse for me. I'll be sad and depressed. It's bad enough that I caught him lying last weekend. He said he went to the store I followed him...called him while in that store parking lot...he said he was there. He wasn't there were only like 5
Cars there. And he didn't get home until about 1.5 to 2hrs later. It doesn't take that long to buy cigarettes from the store down the road. Plus I already know he cheated the day I discovered his purchases he said he didn't make those purchases that were over $100, I said lets
Call and dispute the claim, he said he didn't need to because he didn't care about the money.
Guilty! So I suppose I have all the evidence I need.
Just wanted to get more proof in order to keep the house just in case

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@Magicstick22 so where exactly was he. And why do they always feel the need to lie. ?

Why concentrate so hard on drinking or gambling? You have a cognitive behavioral disorder. That means that you can switch addictions at the drop of a hat and that you can drop that hat yourself. Get yourself into individual therapy with a professional psychiatrist. Start being completely honest!
You do still need to do more for your W. You broke it so fix it! Stop hiding. It's time to grow up. If you want your W to stay. If not then you still aren't being honest with her. What do you want? Notice I didn't ask what do you deserve. I asked you what do you want?

I will be seeing a psychiatrist along with the 12 step programs and I believe for the first time in my life I truly am being honest to myself admitting I'm an alcoholic too. My wife doesn't want to do more now I do and hope by still living in our house/basement our brief interactions around family help. I want my wife and your right not sure I deserve her but I want her and love her so so much. no matter what happens I will be thee for my kids and her if needed. It is time to grow and I hope and pray I get it right this time. I'm a sick individual and I know it. My wife doesn't question my love...she questions me if I truly can make the changes and not go back to my old destructive behavior. I'm going to fight for her anyway I can as I'm fighting for myself in all recovery. I want her I want my best friend back. Thats what I want.

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@Lostitall You should be doing all of this for yourself and not just as a ploy to get your wife back. Your wife might not stay or continue to let you live in the basement after she divorces you. I agree that there is hope that she will as long as you’re still in the house. That was the advantage that my H had too. I barely survived one Dday and you’re asking your wife to survive two. (((Prayers))) You should set aside an hour every day to discuss all of this with your wife. Talking to each other helps even if it’s a shouting match which it will be at first.

She says she doesn't question your love but being on the receiving end myself, I would say she absolutely does because of this. She probably always will to some extent. There really isn't much you can do about it. That's why infidelity is just the worst thing you could ever do to someone who thought they had all of your love, and to yourself. It just wipes that slate clean like they don't even know you. You need to win back whatever trust and love she can muster and let the chips fall where they may. I am sorry, I am not into sugarcoating.