So here's my narc story... Brace yourselves. When we first s

So here's my narc story... Brace yourselves. When we first started dating everything was perfect. I thought I found my Prince Charming. He was just my type and he made me feel like I was the most important thing in his world. Our relationship moved pretty fast. I won't lie he told me he loved me 3 weeks into knowing eachother and I said it back because it was honestly what I was feeling at the time and I didn't wanna hold back any emotions. He spoiled me with gifts and attention. Wrote cute things about on social media, wrote a blog post entirely about me( that made his mother cry when she read it), gave me attention, opened up to me about his harsh childhood and his ex who cheated on him (his woe is me act that I feel for)talked about having a family with me and marriage, even brought up possibly moving in together if he decided to get an apartment next summer. Things were looking up and I was finally.. Or so I thought.. In a healthy, happy, adult relationship.My friends and family were excited for me. I was giving all I could in the relationship because I didn't wanna ruin things with this seemingly perfect man. I cooked for him, had sex with him regularly, helped through work issues and personal issues. I was basically all around wife matierial for him. Things were going great for a couple of months until the mask started to slip little by little. The first instance where his mask slipped was when he came over to my place one night and asked to see my phone, I have nothing to hide so I gave it to him and let him go through it. I wanted him to trust me and know I wasn't gonna hurt him like his ex did. After he was done I asked to look through his phone he nervously gave it to me and low and behold I caught him texting his ex. The same one who broke his heart and cheated on him. He saw that I was pissed so he asked if he should leave and I told him to do whatever he wanted to do. He left kinda with an attitude as if he didn't care that I was mad. I cried and called my best friend to vent. I was so hurt. He eventually called and at first he tried to blame me for going through his phone. And I told him I wouldn't have gone through his phone if he hadn't gone through mine. He started trying to smooth it over by saying "I don't want her back" " we didn't even talk about anything you saw our messages" like an idiot I forgave him took him back. After that things went back to normal I trusted him again and believed we just had a hiccup. As most "normal" couples do. Little did I know this was not a normal relationship. The next instance where his mask slipped was one night I couldn't decided between eating out and cooking. I decided to cool to save money. He insisted on eating out, his treat, and I could get whatever I wanted. I chose to grab some fast food. I presumed my food would cost 5 dollars but it ended up costing 7 dollars. No biggie right? Wrong he was furious that my food cost caused him to not buy food. I felt soooooo terrible, and offered to buy him food with my money. He refused and gave me the silent treatment that whole night. I felt so guilty I didn't even want my food anymore but i ate it because if I didn't he go off on me for not being considerate. I couldn't understand why he was being so mean even after i tried to fix it. The next day I still felt guilty so I bought him his favorite beer to get back in his good graces (he loved drinking and often spoke of how he thought he'd be an alcoholic like his father use to be) he forgave me and I got apologize for being "inconsiderate" of how much money he had. ( yes Ik what you're thinking but I was hypnotized and I really thought it was my fault, I was his perfect little ego stroker) A few days after that everything was great again we spent all morning together, had breakfast together, I was thinking things were looking up again but then his mask slipped once more... Later on that night we were at his place play fighting having fun like always. I accidentally hurt my shoulder and started crying after he wouldn't stop play fighting. He saw that I was crying and kicked me out of his place because I was being too "emotional" and didn't know how to play along. I was so confused . Normally any good boyfriend would tend to his crying gf not kick her out. Later on that night he called me and told me this isn't the relationship for me. I was so heartbroken I didn't want our relationship to end over something so senile. He even told me he was thinking about it ever since the food incident happened. I blamed myself even though everyone told me not to but I was so gone by his manipulation I believed everything was my fault. Like an idiot I broke no contact after one week because I missed him and I needed to give him back his tv that I was borrowing. The day he came to get the tv he insisted that I keep it ( so he could have something over me just Incase he needed to hurt my feelings) I insisted he took it back because I didn't feel right keeping it. I asked him a few questions about him possibly leaving me for another girl and he denied that. As he was leaving he tried to hug me but I didn't really budge because it was all to emotional for me. Maybe 5 minutes after he left he sent me a text message going off on me about how I was acting petty because I wouldn't keep his tv, asked him about cheating, and wouldn't hug him. (Mask slip) we spent about two hours arguing back and forth via text message. I was so emotional drained and cried so much. I was sure we were officially done forever and we'd never speak again. Until later on that day he started texting me again as if we just didn't get into an argument (bi polar) I was so confused he was just cussing me out and now he's acting nice again and asking me about my family. I just went along with it because I was glad he wasn't mad with me and stil wanted to be in my life. We continued to have sex after we broke up, we would basically still do everything we did as couple just not as romantic and less frequent. He was even going to stay with me during thanksgiving and winter break if he found s new job in our college town. He really had me thinking this was his way of inching himself back into my arms , but little did I know he was using me. One day while scrolling through his Twitter I found out he started talking to a new girl just two short weeks after our breakup. I was crushed why would he be trying to keep things alive with me and meanwhile be baiting his new victim. I asked him if he'd started seeing anyone new and completely flipped out on me(mask finally off for good) he told me to stay out of his business and that I was crazy. The next day he blocked me from all social media and I haven't spoken to him since. This breakup is the TOUGHEST breakup I ever have had to go through. It's been 2 months and I'm still in love with this maniac and it hurts when I think about it. It kills me to think the new girl will change him, and she'll get the 180 and they'll live happily ever after. It eats at me daily. Smh

1 Heart

Hey, it's going to be okay. You know what you should think about instead of him? YOU! He had a chance with you and he wasted it, that's his loss. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, and you deserve to be happy. Eff him and his new girl, who cares what might or might not happen --- what's even better is the happily ever after that YOU'RE going to get with someone who really treasures you, someone who treats you better than he did. When you catch yourself thinking about him.. try to just do something to distract yourself, and not think about him. Try to do as many things as you can every day that make you happy! Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself, the past is the past and you can't change it. What's gone is gone, you know? And the sooner you let go of the ugly past, the quicker you can start living an amazing future :) Every day it's going to get a little easier and then one day you'll wake up and not give a **** anymore. You're going to be just fine, you're going to be happy and amazing, and he's just some idiot loser too stupid to appreciate what he had. His loss.

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Thank you for your beautiful words. The road to recovery has been a tough one but I can say I have made progress. Before I was breaking down crying, I lost all motivation to just live life. But now I haven't shed a tear about him in awhile and I'm getting my feet wet a little in the dating scene. It's been helping. I can't wait for that moment when I wake up and he and that disaster of a relationship is a distant memory and I'm in love with a wonderful man who would never hurt me like the narc did

2 Hearts

Exactly!!! :) All the best

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Why do I find myself not wanting my narc to hate me? Why tf do I still care what he thinks about me? I'm not so much hurt by the situation as much but I find myself wanting to reach out to him to squash our beef. Granite I'm never contacting him again and definetly never dating him again but why is that feeling in my bones?

@freespirit_ that’s normal it’s because he has trained you to seek his validation for everything you do! Don’t listen to that small voice in your head and drown it out by believing in yourself. You don’t need his validation he is not normal you are!! You’ll get that it gets easier as long as you maintain NC

Thank you that makes so much sense. Reflecting back on our relationship I would have to ask permission to do simple things like go through his collection of records, or eat something in his room (clean/neat freak) I just thought he was picky about certain things all the while I was being conditioned to see him some sort of authority figure in my life. I let him call most of all the shots in our relationship because I thought I was being a good gf by letting him be the man and wear the pants in our relationship. I fear in future relationships I won't know how to draw the line between letting a man take the lead and letting him become a narcissist to me

@freespirit_ snap I did exactly the same Hun don’t worry too far ahead the more you heal the less likely you are to fall into the same trap just concentrate on you for now. I’ve met someone lovely and when I started dating my narc radar was well and truly on xxx