So . . .here's my sob story. :( My first marriage ended afte

So . . .here's my sob story. :( My first marriage ended after 10 years in 2001 (after bringing me my amazing twin daughters and a husband that decided to have an affair with an 18 year old). I met an amazing man the same year as my divorce (we had actually been separated for 2 years already) and we were married that year. He jumped right in and became a dad (in the best way he could) to my daughters that were 3 years old at the time. We've had our ups and downs, a few real bad downs, but I DO LOVE him. He suffers from depression and anxiety and I've tried to be supportive when he goes through tough patches, no matter how much he lashes out at me and hurts me . . . I try to always remember that it's not him, it's just something he's going through. :( Up to this point, we've overcome all obstacles.

The last couple years have been extremely bad. We lost 3 of our pets, my company that I've owned since 2000 started failing, finances have been tough (but we have split bills so that hasn't directly impacted him yet . . just having to deal with me), and within the last year a good friend of his committed suicide and my H blames his wife for driving him to that point. :(

With all of my stress with getting twins ready to go to college, not having money to pay my bills, trying to keep a company afloat that can't afford it's bills, and facing the fact that I will have to sell something that I've committed all this time into building . . . well, I haven't been able to be the wife he needed. While I really did try to be there for him through everything, I will be the first to admit that I couldn't be everything he needed. I've apologized and told him I knew this and was REALLY working to gain control of my own emotions so I could be there for him.

A little off topic, but I read an article about how taking a Magnesium supplement can help with a lot of hormonal imbalances in women, so I gave it a try. I actually feel that it is working and I was able to bring down part of my wall and begin to open up again. Unfortunately, about the exact same time I did this, he turned off ALL of his emotions. He now wants a divorce, doesn't love me anymore, blames me for all of his unhappiness, and is no longer wiling to work on the relationship at all.

I keep telling him that I'm not giving up, but he keeps pushing me away and trying to piss me off. I know I need to let him go, but I've stood by him before through times like this and it's all worked out . . . he just tells me that won't happen this time. :( Broken hearted and struggling to keep it together through ALL of these changes in my life.

Hugs to all of you that are struggling as well.

1 Heart

Update: I told my daughters today, which made him mad because he said he wanted to be a part of that . .. . but he never told me that and was always asking me if I had done it yet (because he wanted me to realize that it was really over). Now he's even more angry and moving out. It truly is over and I have to face those facts, but it is SO hard. I want to be angry and hate him for the hurtful things he keeps saying, but I just can't. :(

I have a hard time hating my STBX too. It'd be much better if I could.

1 Heart

@Sgerard68 Ditto. They so deserve it, but for some reason, we still love them.

I actually worry about her. I worry she has enough money and food and heating oil etc...
It'd be so much easier if I could be mad at her.

It seems like you have been an excellent wife, far more understanding than my wife, and he is lucky to have you. My wife left me 2 mos after I started treatment for service related PTSD. She never allowed the treatment to start she wanted total perfection after a few weeks. You are doing a great job.

1 Heart

@Sgerard68 Thanks, I’m definitely not perfect, and have made mistakes . . . I just feel that if I can forgive him for his moments of being a complete ass and see him through the tough times, he should be able to see me through this rough time (again, that’s what the vows are all about). Apparently not. Let’s just throw away the last 14 years instead. :frowning:

Sorry to hear about your wife’s attitude and lack of understanding. I came across a quote today that I think fits their fate perfectly: “If you live your life as if everything is about you … you will be left with just that. Just you.” It just sucks that we have to be put through the devastation while they figure that out. :frowning:

Yesterday I was stronger, today I’m a mess. I guess this is how it will be for awhile. I hope you’re doing better with your PTSD, I know that can be extremely difficult. Thanks again for the words of encouragement, they are much needed today. Hugs!

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