So I feel like I'm making a tiny bit of progress in this whole battle with HOCD. I still have anxiety whenever I see someone who I think is pretty and sometimes get unwanted groinal responses which produces a lot of fear in me, but recently I think I've slowly begun to learn how to cope with the OCD and tell myself that it is not me that is controlling my brain right now, but the OCD. I've been on medication for 2 weeks now, and am starting to see some results in the level of anxiety I have as well as how frequently the intruding thoughts occur. I've started to get my attraction for guys back, however, I feel like every time I see a guy who's attractive, my brain tells me that I'm lying to myself and that I'm really just lesbian. I know this is not the case, and it doesn't produce as much anxiety as before, but I want to know how I can get back to being attracted to guys without any second thought and never even entertaining the thought of being with a girl? I normally am really outgoing and have a large friend group, and never before had issues with becoming friends with a girl before HOCD hit. But now I feel like my brain has convinced me that if I meet a girl who I think is pretty, I will want to be with her instead of be friends with her even though I know it's not true. I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but I just want to know from people who have gotten out of HOCD and managed to beat it, do the normal feelings you had for the opposite sex fully come back? Do you ever think about the same sex and have fears or is it something you never think about anymore? I just want to get back to being me, someone who has always been attracted to guys and heterosexual.
This is going to be a slow process, but do read the other posts in the group, you will see how others struggle just like you and how others have found ways to help themselves through this. We are here for you! Give it time, keep on the medication, consider therapy and keep posting! Hugs!