So I have a ton of issues, but sex seems to be the most prom

So I have a ton of issues, but sex seems to be the most prominent right now. I was molested as a child and raped as a teen. I feel like I've been addicted to sex since a very young age. I grew up in the church, so I hid my issues, and pretty well. I married young, at age 21, but knew it wasn't a good idea, as I cheated on him while we dated. I felt comfortable with my husband and in a way I thought he could "save" me. I cheated on him only a year into our marriage with just about every guy at my work. Mostly I just wanted sex, but sometimes I needed an emotional connection. We mended our marriage and I did not physically cheat again. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, cutting, alcohol, major anger issues. It's been 11 years since I cheated, but now I'm struggling with urges. I think about sex almost 24/7. I feel like I could screw just about any guy that pays the least bit of attention to me. I joined the gym earlier this year, and I feel like it started then. I stopped having the depression and anxiety, but everytime I exercise or feel good about myself I get super turned on. My husband and I have plenty of sex, but I want it with other men. I truly want this to stop, but there is still a part of me that loves having the fantasies, the sex talks, and "grooming" the next guy I want to screw. Is there any advice that anyone is willing to share to bring me out of this?

4 Hearts

Welcome to support groups, I've dived head first into how I attack the urges, and fight the thoughts, if you look for posts that start with week or step, I do hope you find healing here, yes I do know what's like to be consumed with sex, wanting to have sex all the time with different persons. Be strong and courages

I have a very similar situation to you complexity 35. I feel it's kind of a disease that just consumes me. I can't imagine my life without the fantasies and the option to have a hot fling with a hot guy. I wonder if you'd be interested in talking further? Maybe we can help each other.

@lax I would like that. I’m new to this group, so I’m not certain of how to navigate through a conversation on here.

I feel for you, I have a constant desire to have sex with almost any woman on demand. My thoughts are early childhood and developmental years. Being currently addicted to porn perhaps does not make me a good support for you, but I can really feel for your hurt and pain. In my own opinion, I don't believe the thoughts leave us, but they can be replaced and their power can be minimised. I studied two very good articles on addiction and the way we learned to be addicted is the same way we can learn to have control over our lives. Take heart, there is a way out, I am in this journey with you, along with everyone in this group.

1 Heart

@Stoplink Thank you for your support and insight. I often become so overwhelmed with life, work, relationships, that I stop trying and I just want someone else to solve it for me. I really should start reading up on this and applying it to my current situation.
I understand that porn is a tough one to overcome. I’ve always had an amazing imagination and never really felt the need to watch much porn. What is unfortunate, though, is that I need that imagination every time I have sex or I struggle to be turned on. I get so frustrated that I can’t just be pleasured soley by my husband, or any other man, but rather a fictional encounter in my mind. Have you come across any research on that?

Hi @Complexity. I was just diagnosed with PTSD from Childhood Sexual Abuse and also Sex/Love Addiction from Serial Cheating. My symptoms were completely different with my urges. I wanted to be in control emotionally and sex was 2nd. I wanted the women I was with to feel the pain of being controlled like I was when I was molested as a young boy by 4 individuals. I grew up unconscious of my doings and grew up heartless and didn't care about anyone not even myself which allowed me to cheat on every girlfriend and even my wife. I would "groom" them and then controlled them. I have been "sober" from my addiction for over a year without cheating and trust me it is hard at times but seeking the help (30 Day Treatment Program), seeing a therapist and attending SLAA at least twice a week helps a lot. It seems as if you have accepted what you are doing and that it is wrong and that is the first step, "We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable." I know the feeling of uncontrollable urges and feeling helpless and it seems like it will never stop. This is where the fight begins and how bad you want to control your urges. Accept your shame and guilt and begin to wholeheartedly love yourself....It won't happen over-night but its a beginning.

@tlc0875 Thank you. I actually stepped away from the group for a while, but I’m starting to feel out of control again. My emotions feel unmanageable and I’m craving attention, any kind at this point. Sex is usually the temporary fix and I don’t want to satisfy this in that way. I just want it all to stop!

@Complexity, this is considered normal for an addict trying to break the cycle. I've managed to stay sober but my urges are still lingering and I cannot always control when they pop up. You just have to really manage your thinking process as hard and as careful as possible. If you're in an environment that triggers you, its best to walk away from it ASAP. The Meetings are helping me a lot and think you should try one and finding a therapist that specializes in sex addiction. Making yourself aware that it is unmanageable will give you a whole different outlook to what's going on internally. Don't walk around day to day just questioning it and never trying to fix it. There are resources out there and you are not alone. Stay Strong!!

Thank you for the suggestions. I really do think that I need to see a therapist again. Finding one is always difficult, so it may take me some time.

1 Heart

I realize it has been a long time since I replied. I even forgot I had joined this group. With my first wife, she provided all I could need or want, and yet I too had imaginations and other thoughts. I think some of these come from early sex education and exposure. when a person is not guided they are left to themselves. otherwise, they are directed in a wrong direction. I have no immediate solutions because I still struggle, but I will be supportive.