So I joined this because I have found myself at a roadblock

So I joined this because I have found myself at a roadblock. I moved back to my childhood hometown about a year ago to work, save money and surround myself with positive loving people, knowing that is what I needed. I also returned to the place here I experienced a lot of unhealthy, violent and unstable sexual experiences and find myself taking steps backward. I returned to what feels like an adolescent state when starting a job, am not surrounded by people with the same level of knowledge and goals that I used to be around and find myself pressured to have sex in order to fit into the new surroundings. I am struggling with surrounding myself with encouraging people that I know I will feel safe enough around to be successful. How do I set the past aside when it seems to have engulfed me? I find myself acting very stuck up around people that have not experience sexual assault and cannot work around them. I cannot date without scaring the men away because I obviously have trust issues and flash back to this place where I think a man is going to leave me, use me for sex and lie to me, or hurt me in a violent way. I dont want to take my my little rainbow of emotions out on people but cannot find the shove forward I need in order to thrive and act normal again. Any coping tips?

Has counseling ever been something you have considered. You seem to have built up a persona around yourself, self assured, got it all figured out, but inside you are still scared, you have to learn how to function and function well in spite of what you went through. You have to learn from it and figure out what sort of guy to date, and how not to repeat the pattern.

Ah, yes! I have probably been to every type of counseling available since I was in High School. Then by my twenties I had enough really great supportive friends to keep my mind busy enough to even go back to college to finish a degree. Counseling did help me filter through how to handle myself, but I moved back to a place with much affluence. People do work hard but I have yet to find a group of people that understand true hardship. They have time, money, a desire for and access to sex, drugs and to me what seems like chaos. I have found that I cannot even explain to some therapists what unwillingly taking money for sex is like, what domestic violence is like, what instability is like, because they just don't seem to care or have to worry. I need the practical things and there is only so much talking I can do before I just need either simple healthy distraction or action. I cannot decide if I have created a persona or if I just am comfortable with myself at this point, I figure if someone wanted me to act a certain way, they could pay me money, but where is that going to get me?

From Mental & Physical Abuse to Rape & Sexual Assault