So.... I joined this site 7 months ago after breaking up wit

So.... I joined this site 7 months ago after breaking up with my physically and emotionally abusive ex. We were apart for about 2 months, but I got really lonely one night and texted him, we started talking, he apologized really sincerely for everything that had happened and just seemed like he had really changed. He was good to me, tried to make things right with my family, and it just seemed a lot better. But the last month, he broke up with me and then changed his mind and got back together maybe 3 times in 3 weeks... each time saying he was never going to leave me again, that he would be good to me and he was committed to making our relationship work for a long time, so we could be together. (It's been about two and a half years since we first got together, and we were really serious and were planning on getting married when we graduated college...) But now I see how fickle and empty all those promises were, and how easily he changes his mind. Maybe he meant it when he said it, but I feel so stupid for believing him every single time. He says he cares but he throws me away like it's nothing, he's cold and mean when I'm hurting because of him. Getting over him is hard. I want to stop caring, I want to never think about him again, but he was my entire world, I barely talked to people besides him for the last 2 years, and everything reminds me of him. I want to just stop caring, and stop hurting. I've been trying to be outgoing, meet new people and make new friends, and while it's been sort of working, I have no one in my life besides maybe my mom, who lives on the other side of the country, who is at all close to me like he was. I went from spending every second of my day with him, doing everything together, to being alone most of the time. I feel really lonely and I know that this is for the best and things will be better eventually, but i haven't gotten to eventually yet, and it's frustrating to be in the in-between.... I wish i could speed up time to the point where I don't care anymore.

2 Hearts

so...what do you want to do? im sure someone else is interested in you or vice versa

I don't know. I've been meeting a lot of people but none that I've really clicked with so far. I've been trying to spend more time with my friends and make new friends so I don't have to depend so much on one guy, and it's a lot easier to make friends than it is to find someone I really like enough to want to date... But it's not the same as being in love and I'm not really close with anyone....yet

oh I understand. ive only loved one woman my whole life and im 48.
he was physically abusive...you DONT need that. That will not change with all the promises. its his issues he needs help with and he projected them all on you. be strong like you are....you will bounce back and meet a better guy

:) I think there's hope for both of us. If you're choosing to spend your free time on here, helping random strangers, you're clearly a nice man and I'm sure there's someone out there really great for you!

From Substance Abuse to Mental & Physical Abuse