So I just heard my friend say that she’s going to build ou

So I just heard my friend say that she’s going to build out her kitchen so that her house can be the house where all the people come and hang out. The people meaning her kids friends. That’s what she wants. She wants to let her grown children continue to live at her house and then let their friends come over. That doesn’t make any sense? I thought the idea was to get your kids out of the house when they’re grown. Not keep them there so they never have any ambition to do anything on their own. And she just said she can’t get her 22-year-old son to help her with anything. He’s going to graduate in May. Then you’re going to reward him by building out the kitchen so he can invite all his friends over to celebrate. That’s all fine for about a year. And then she’s gonna start saying to herself, OK. Now what? Is this really how you’re going to let your kid live throughout his 20s. At your house? How is that helping him? It’s only helping her because she doesn’t want to be alone with her husband. Because they don’t have anything together. They don’t have sex. They don’t go out or do anything fun. She is pretty overweight. I would say 100 pds .. , and has so much to do everyday.
So I think in theory, she thinks this is a great idea because it will keep her busy and distracted. That’s what she likes. To be distracted. But in reality, I think it’s gonna be too much for her, I think it’s not good for her kids at all, I think it enables them to continue to want to live at home and not do anything for themselves, and I think that once this project is done and she’s a year down the road, she’s going to see all of that very clearly. So it won’t be anything. It won’t be what she thinks. It’s a project like everything else you do when you’re renovating your house. She’s redoing the kitchen to get more room and there will be a big table that will be empty.
The only person that is going to be there is her son and his friends because he’s a loser. Her daughter is going to be out as soon as possible. She doesn’t want to be there.
And this is the same person who told me just a few years ago that she had high standards for her children. OK! But she also is subconsciously being very selfish because this is about her feeling better, not them. She wants to make it easier on herself which is hurting them. A child that is 22 years old graduate from college does not need to get more comfortable in his family home. He needs to get less comfortable so he wants to move out. And if he’s living in the family home, he should be doing the chores. He does nothing. It’s crazy to me.

Instead of doing that, I would be saving every penny so I could pay off the Home because that’s some thing she still working on. I just pay that sucker off. You don’t need to rebuild the kitchen. You don’t need your house to be the place everybody comes to hang out. You need to pay your bills off, and downsize for that matter. And if not, you need to get your 22-year-old grandson to help with all the chores. She’s really crazy. She takes on way too much and the only reason is to distract yourself. But I’m not trying to spend my time that way. I believe in self-care. Take care of yourself.

That is really sad all the way around, she sounds scared that without them, she has no purpose.

1 Heart

@CKBlossom :-(( I know.
It is sad! I was venting because I didn’t want to say any of this to her. Lol… and when I share my plans to down size or basically keep it simple, I can feel her resentment.
My plan is to continue renting Apt.
I thought about it.
I’m single, and I’m only going to get older… Lol… So why bother with a house. I’ve never owned a house and I thought it would be cool so I was considering it. But then I think about it in reality, I think it’s going to be something totally different. An apartment is very simple. They do all the maintenance, and I just pay the rent. I’ve moved a lot in my life. I just wanna stop moving. So I was thinking that I can move to one of those 55 an older communities in 5 years and just ride out that wave.
I would have the community and there is a lot there.
A salon, a pool, a lot of room to gather and activities.
I’m a pretty young and healthy 50 and I might not be into it at first. . Lol . . But maybe every now and then.
I also love to cook … so I would finally have some people to try my food.
It is a passion I picked up around 44.
I just started cooking. I never did before that.

I don't have children but i know there are parents that want their family close. Most of the ones i know, support the children going off and creating their own independence. I would think that builds more character in the child and personal survival for them for when times get tough.

1 Heart

Does your friend feel she will be unsafe living alone with spouse? Maybe she fears physical abuse.

@Lookn4raysofSunshine oh no! Not that. Just the rest of it.