So I took a small step against ED yesterday

Hello all,

So,I broke down and talked to a co-worker yesterday about my ED and its hold on me lately. I felt a little awkward because so often I don't know what to say, but I did it. My friend was great. We decided that I would go talk to my school's public health nurse. (I teach at a highschool) My friend is even going to give me a gentle reminder, on the day that the nurse is in the building, to go talk to her. I am hoping she might know if there is a support group in the area that I could join. Or perhaps a therapist that deals specifically with ED.

I was supposed to have had an appointment with my psychiatrist on the day of my car accident but - go figure, never made it:(. I had to reschedule and the next available appointment was the end of December. I really, really needed that appointment because I am feeling so caught up in the ED thoughts and behaviours. My coworker thought I should try to see someone before that (Too much can happen in 2 months)

I feel like a bit of a failure because I can't seem to shrug this ED off my back. I am supposed to be over this!!! I went through treatment and all years ago. I should be better!!!!!!!

Part of me is also a little scared because I am very afraid that this move to intervene will cause weight gain and I sooooo don`t want that. I am in the healthy end of the BMI at the moment and don`t want to gain anything. I don`t have to loose anymore but gain - NO WAY. Is that denial or counter productive, maybe.

Thanks for always being out there for me everyone.
Love and hugs
Shana

Shana...you are NOT a failure! If you were, you would not be writing, talking to your friend, and you wouldn't care. Of course you are frightened! Recovery involves change, commitment and confusion, but you can do this!
NO ONE can just 'shrug' an eating disorder off...and trying could kill you. Keep fighting!! Jan ♥

Thanks for the encouragement Jan!!

Hi Shana,
I'm a teacher too, it seems as if there are a lot of us on this site. Your posts is rich with the spirit of surrender, it's okay not to have all the answers, or even total willingness. If we wait to post or try until we are 100 % ready or on top of our lives or or our attitudes we never will.
It's great to have this place, and hopefully other outside support to turn to especially when we still have a foot in the food/behaviors around food or exercise. Thank you for sharing.
Patsy

Thanks Patsy,

You have a very good point. If I were to wait till I was truly ready to tackle my ED I probably never would. I do keep plugging away it just seems very slow going these days.

Thanks for the encouragement
Love and Hugs
Shana

hey shana,
i feel in quite a similar position to yours right now. i wonder why, after years of ED and destructive behaviour, multiple therapies, and losing life, i simply can't let go of ED.
in the last few days and weeks ive been trying to prepare for inpatient (not that im approved yet) but what always comes back to mind is that i simply cant imagine giving up on my body ideal. now i don't wanna be skinny, i wanna be athletic, feminin muscular and lean, but is even that possible without following ED?
and ask yourself, what worth more to YOU (i wont answet this right now, im way too negative): a happy, healthy life with joy or a sad, frustrating and daethly one with ED?

dont see all the past treatments as wasted, but feed from them the bits that did you good and combine them with anything new!

keep strong, missy!!!

love
maedi

this is amazing shana!!!!!!!!! really i am so proud of you!!!!!!!!! really!

shana i know you are afraid of weight gain but trust me ---when you are eating more and fully noursihed your brain will think better and more healthier toughts.... so it will be ok.....

i am so proud of you!

love
maureen

Thanks for the encouragement ladies.
I am not so sure I am ready for this change. ED behaviours have become very comfortable once again. Yes, I know I shouldn't be thinking this way - but.

I am really going to try not to back out of my commitment to contact the health nurse - no matter how scared I am. I will let you know how I fair.

Love and hugs to you all
Shana