So...last night's regularly scheduled panic attack did not help things at all. I'm at work now and its nearly impossible to focus for more than 5 seconds. That's not what's really bothering me. I get my daughter this evening and through the weekend. Absolutely nothing is left in the tank. The fumes that I was running on are all gone and I'm nothing more than a huddled mess of fear, regret, shame and unbearable pain. I have no idea how I'm going to put on a front for my little girl. Especially for that long. She is an innocent little girl and she doesn't deserve to have a miserable father. I'm scared to death and at the end of my rope right now.
1 Heart
Shawn, can you ask for help? It seems like you need a bit of love and encouragement yourself. If that isn't an option, order pizza, watch a movie, go to the park, do things that she can do on her own with you watching. We are here for you. Hugs!
1 Heart
I'm really alone. I've been able to hold on this long because I had my ex with me and she was really a rock for me. Now that shes gone and moved on...its just me. I'm sure you know that not very many people under what we are going through. I'm tired of being simply dismissed as being a weak person or something to that effect. My only saving grace, as of late, has been that my "exit strategy" is so damned intricate and I haven't worked out the logistics.
1 Heart