So many emotions in my mind. So many feelings in my heart. My crazy up/down relationship came to a sudden halt tuesday morning. No longer does he reply. I cannot contact him at all. Don't know what to do. Don't want to react because of my fear of abandonment, but also dont want to stuff these feeling deep down inside. I fight with myself .. always. Every day. My brain is two sided. Emotional and logical. Feeling stuck inside myself.
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I completely understand where you are coming from. I have my good days and I have my really bad days. I would love to help with words of encouragement but I honestly have no idea how to control my feelings either. Just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone
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@ArmyGirl , Thank you. That does help actually :)
:) You're welcome.
Sorry to hear that :( That would be so hard. *hugs*
Don't know what to say, relationships are hard enough wo BPD. My brain tells me letting others actions control how we feel about ourselves is a bad policy - and yet that is the exact same way I live my life because the heart outweighs the mind. My heart is with you in this hour, and I hope you find some comfort soon. Please take care!
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Thank you, truely. You just put into words how ive been feeling for so long yet didnt know how to express..
I'm fighting nasty depression now, so I'm not reliable. But anytime you need to talk, I'll do my best to answer or just listen. Stuffing feelings is an area of expertise for me. And it never ends well . . . By talking and writing about our feelings, we further our understanding of ourselves so much more - we gain needed insight. And it also allows us to feel the support of other human beings, which we all need. :-)
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If its ups and downs type of relationship, are you sure thats what you need?
I know that our fear of abandonment is a pill thats hard to swallow but sometimes we need to stick to our heads than to our hearts.
Does he know youre BPD? does he care? does he know what it means?
I had to deal with the same thing with my boyfriend, at some point he just stopped reacting, communicating- everything ended with "i dont know", it got to a point when he didnt want to talk to me at all, and you know what? thats not fair to me, to you. to any of us. we dont deserve to be treated like that and be ignored. You need to put your foot down and think whats best for you- which is a STABLE relationship with a STABLE person. We dont have that privilage (luckily) to be with unstable people. We dont have it inside of us- we need to get it from outside, when we dont have it not from any side- thats the moment when we go crazy, impulsive and hurt- too hurt.
You need to think logically and look inside of you and say- what is good for me? what does my soul need and desire? can it be done? is the person im with knows about it? does he care if he do know? is unstablity is good for my heart? for my head? if not- what can be done to improve this?
try to answer those questions (make a list) and see if this is something that you tried to achieve with your boyfriend and havent yet and need to- is it something that can be done with him or not? and if not- youll have to be loyal to yourself first. keep that fear of ours of being left aside- if you welcome it as a sign to what you have but not who you are- you could deal with it. give it the respect it deserves, but dont let that fear take control over your life decisions and happiness.
I was in a 4 years destructive relationship with a guy that kept breaking up with me every two days, he was more unstable than me. and when he left me for good (in a very bad way) i thought the world ended. that im going to die alone, never to love again, that my one true ally vanished me from his life. And you know what? it was hard, pretty **** hard. it took me a while to get over this, but you know what? i discovered that the outside world is full with other better stuff, better people. i found my boyfriend (which we still have too many problems) and he is - even with all of our problems- the best person iv ever known. im greatful for God that finished our relationship- because it was for the best. i cant imagine how i would have felt and what type of a person i would have become if we stayed together. so sometimes- when things are being taken out of our hands- its only so we would have enough room to hold on to something new and better.
sometimes- bad moments- are presents in disguise.
So dont be afraid to make decisions for your own inner peace and health.
And dont be afraid to let him know how you really feel. he might really not noticing how your truly feel. Dont be afraid to tell whats on your mind- no one ever died from sharing emotions. it can only do good you. sometimes relationships are being missed just because of those fear and lack of communication. and if you did tell him and he still doesnt show you he cares- well, than you know youreself who you are and what you truly deserve. and thats all up to you.
always here if you need any help!
hugs, kisses and tons of love!
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Miii: Why has there been no contact? Phone issue? No contact order? If he has stopped texting you, sorry, but it may mean there is someone else or he is angry/upset and needs space or wants to end things. I am 51 and sometimes the guys just break up by not contacting the person anymore. It is cruel, but it happens. If you have abandonment issues, I recommend counseling if you have insurance to pay for it. Take care of yourself.
Quick and short update. He had gone to jail for a traffic accident a while ago. On good days he is the man of my dreams. My rock and my safe haven. Keeps me stable and sane, but on bad days.. It's just all around bad. Everything sucks. Yet he still loves me. It's hard to want to give up on this but i believe he is the kick under my butt I need. I always expected people to help me change my life, yet i sat back on my ***. He needs me to step up. And i need to step up for myself. So is it destructive? Yes.. Am i being sensitive and the victim? Yes... So it's either really bad for me or the best thing that ever happened to me.
Miii: Ask yourself about the consequences of him going to jail is going to mean for him like reduced opportunities for employment and you going to jail with him if he does something illegal and you are with him and you both get arrested. Counseling recommended for you both if you have insurance as I wrote before.
Good morning early riser! He works for his brother so no consequences for work as of right now. After that night I set rules with him. He can put himself at risk all he wants but he will never have my life in his hands like that again. He accepts the consequences of his actions only because he would lose me otherwise. I may be a pushover when it comes to a lot of things, but not the law. I wanted to be a cop myself. (However they didn't think giving a gun to a crazy person is the best idea haha!) thanks for the advice! It's something I have to remind myself every day of. I am worthy to be treated equal.