So my wife and I have quite a discrepancy in both our levels

So my wife and I have quite a discrepancy in both our levels of sex drive (me higher)....and the amount of importance we put on sex. This creates an issue because she feels pressured that she will disappoint me if we don't have sex. This makes sex less frequent, and also stressful sex is usually not great. I also use sex as a barometer for how well our relationship is doing. I know that it's ONE metric by which to measure your relationship, but I probably give it too much weight.

So for an example, last night was her class reunion. She went by herself because we needed someone to stay with our special needs daughter. But she called at 10pm and said they were going out for drinks, so since daughter was a sleep and our older teenager was home with her, I should come out if I wanted to.

So I stopped out, we had some drinks, it was fun... all in all a good night. Now my daughter had softball today, 6am. So when we got home last night around 12pm... no sex. straight to sleep.

On an intellectual level, I get it. She had an early morning, and it was a good night, so she didn't need sex to complete it. But it just doesn't fully click with me. All the factors were in place.

However, I'm left feeling unfulfilled..... I know I have to come down to her level a bit on this topic, but I also feel like my needs are important.

anyone else relate to this?

2 Hearts

It sounds like you may, in a way, equate sex to love. I've heard many people who have this point of view and I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it's only part of a relationship. Having sex with someone does not always equate to love and inversely not having sex with someone does not mean you don't love them. I know when I was married I felt like I had to be having sex in order to feel like the relationship was ok, but it was not a good barometer at all.

1 Heart

@Loveovercomes This is very much my situation. I know we need to be able to communicate about this. I feel like that solution involves both of us trying to meet a little closer in the middle.

We do have a marriage counselor, so this is something I think would be a good subject to focus on.