So sad today ---- Here we go again

It seemed we had our breaking moment on monday. My husband has moved back to the bed. He went fishing and gave the phone she had been calling him on.

He had told me that she wasn't contacing him. I woke up from two texts from this women to my husband. Now maybe I got a little too up set with him being that she sent the text and he offered the phone, I didn't ask for it. But this started an all our war again.

It brought back the feeling of heart break witch is currently unbearable to me.
I went through a year of clinical depression, and have been seing a councelor to deal with all of this. But sometimes I wonder how much more can I take.

1st text: Tom (allias) ? you are probably fishing and dont have your phone lol let me know if you are here and I can get your stuff back. I am so pissed someone smashed into my car at the bar

2nd text
our last night!

Okay the second one put me over the edge. I wanted to text back some nasty things but I didn't I did however text back "never"

Yes I know I shouldn't of done this. of course I callled my husband and we ended up in a horrible fight over it. Can anyone give me some insight. I really thougt this was over.

Am sorry you are dealing with this, my situation wasnt an affair but she wE prosuting to take him away from me. He did believe that they were only friends but I knew what she wanted him. One day I answered his phone and and had a nice conversion with her. I told her that I would like to meet her if she did want to continue a friend ship with him. At that point she was scared to even call back and we didn't hear from her again. If you and he continue to work on your relationship and keep all the "people" out it will work. Hope you don't have to suffer much from here. Take care.

Thank you, :)

I went out and got my husband work phone from his truck and wow. This happened monday. not know how it worked I accidently hit send. Well see called back. I was nice, even though i did not want to be. We compared notes. I really think she is stuck on him.

My gut is just not sure it is over. That is what scares the heck out of me. I am not sure my heart and nerves can take much more

well tright1bby, i say nothing is truley over. You won't get over it, he may not and she may not. Terrible isn't it.

at first when i found out of my husband being seen by a friend at a mall shopping in jewelry stores, i had a coldness come down and accross me. He denies it till this day. I know that he has been continuining. I think he feels confident i wouldn't let go of him, and i didn't think so either, but now i am to release him not divorce but release. I will focus on me and the kids as a unit and not all of us with his needs being met first (he's a doctor) and I manage the businesses. THAT REALLY IS UPSETTING! I deal with all the crap and she gets his joyful moments of lust.

Well, it ain't over and won't be. Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. This is not a test, this is not a school setting, this is life. It amazes me how many affairs there are each and every day. Before i wasn't aware this to be such a great number.

When will some organization ever be able to work on this problem? It seems to be swept under the tables, rugs and who cares, no big deal. those of us who have been dealing with anger, depression, mood swings, IT IS A BIG DEAL. but does anyone trying to do anything to stop it? No, instead we have a society of people that are make tons of money off it. Therapists, Lawyers, Drug Companies... Why won't anyone ever put together some sort of Punishment for those that commit this sin. Why don't the laws punish the ones that are cheaters? Penalty payments from them and our financial problems of the world goes away ~!!!!!!

I am going to play devil's advocate here. First, you said he gave you the phone which makes me believe that he was telling you the truth that he was not contacting her. Now, given the benefit of the doubt here, what if she was sending text messages to him just to piss you off? Do you not think that this is all a game which she wants to destroy your marriage? Maybe he did tell her that he was done with her and accidentally told her he was going fishing or one of his friends told him he was going fishing. Either way, she knew and she knew exactly what to say to get under your skin.

Could it be that she is causing problems between the two of you? What did he say when you told him about the text messages? Was he angry with you because he told you that he didn't communicate with her or even seen her? It is so easy to jump to conclusions because you had been hurt. I know because I've been in that position before. It is so easy to jump on your spouse because of what you read. I know because lately I had been getting those same messages when my wife left me. It was hard for me to accept and I was angry and hurt. I know how it feels but sometimes you have to take yourself out of the picture to see what it looks like. I can see it if you were to jump on him because he hid the phone from you.

Now on the other hand. He could have given you the phone so he could create an argument with you. He may have seen her to end it at a bar if that is actually what had happened. The only problem with that is you do not know when he went to the bar, and who was present. Sometimes, you only get one side of the story and do not know what is actually going on. He may have told her he was done and she didn't get the message or he could actually be having an affair. The only problem is that you do not know and now that you got mad you will never know.

What you should have done was call her on his phone while he was laying in bed next to you. You could have seen his reaction when you tell him that you wanted to call him. If he was over her, he would have said, go ahead. Or you could have told him to tell her, "my wife left me, she is gone, do you want to come over?" Then when she shows up, you can come out of the bedroom and rip her a good one when she shows up then tell her to get off your property or you will have her arrested. Either way, you can see his reaction and decide for yourself if she is one of those who will not accept "its over". Then you can hear him tell her to her face, it is over and to never contact him again. Then have him change his phone number. If she contacts him again with his new number, then you can confront him again. But beware that if he gives out his number to any of his friends, they could in turn give that number to her. So you have to be careful to not think that he is cheating or giving out numbers. Sometimes you have to play the "what if" game to make sure you are not jumping to conclusions.

Sometimes emotions can take over and you can overreact. I guess for guys, we think out rationally before we react but still the reaction can be harsh since we have a tendency to want to seek and destroy. However, it takes a while to get to that point but once we do, its over.

Anyways, I hope you do not feel that you are alone. I've been cheated on so many times in the past. It seems like I never met anyone who didn't cheat on me. I wonder why. Guess it has to be me.

@Needstrength:

I agree with you about cheaters. It is hard when the person who cheats ends up with everything and you get nothing. My current wife filed for divorce and she was the one who cheated on me. Yet, she cannot even name why she is divorcing me. I wasn't the one who cheated, yet I am the one who has to pay? How is that fair?