so today should be a happy day it is the 19 anniversary of our wedding. I am so numb in some ways and filled with pain in other ways. I am just sitting here crying. I forgive him for cheating but I can not forget. The pain I felt from hearing about the affair and that he loved her. I do not ever want to open myself up to that kind of pain. It almost destroyed me. When I found out in September if I did not have our son and my father to care for I do not think I would be sitting writing this now. He claims to now want to work on us and love me but I can not let him in. I am trying to do what is best for our son but at what cost to me? I am torn in 2 wanting to let him stay for our son and wanting him out for me. I wish all the selfish cheaters out there could feel my pain for just one day.
Don't stay because of your son, that isn't a good enough reason to stay married to someone. You deserve to be loved and treasured, not be someone's afterthought.
Is it better for your son to see two happy parents in two different houses, or two unhappy parents in one house? More than a 'complete' home, what children need is a stable home. If there is instability caused by infidelity or anything else then your son will pick up on that and that is what will do the most harm to him
My mom has had many reasons to leave my dad, but she hasn't. She may have thought she was doing her children a favor but it wasn't a favor to me. And it makes me look at her differently. I feel like she settled for him and stayed with him because of her own insecurities, so instead of me being able to say "my mom is a strong woman because she left a situation that was not healthy for her or her children" I get the luxury of saying "my mom stayed with my dad because she was scared to take care of 3 children on her own". Not like my dad was much help either, he was abusive and to some extent still is. So my story may be different than your sons story, but I thought I would give you another perspective to look at.
If you follow your heart and do what's best for you....that is the best lesson you could teach your children. If you stay together for them....that is what you are teaching them. It's a tough position, children are resilient and adapt but they are also observant. They pick up on things we aren't even aware of. You are in a difficult position. Sending you hugs LyCat!
I am sorry that this is such a difficult day for you. I wish I had words that could help to ease your pain. My experience has only been a short time, and I am in no way an expert. But I know for me I try to focus on forgiveness, and look to the man that I fell in love with not the one who hurt me. I see him in pain, it hurts that some of that pain is as a result of the loss of the OW. I also know that he is feeling a great deal of pain for the loss that is ours as well. I hope that someday you will find peace, but whatever you do, you have to do it for yourself.
Pleas give yourself time. You are in a mourning period. It takes time and I would'my want you to make life decisions while in a vulnerable state. Sending you strength, hope, ((hugs)) God's healing peace.
I want us to be separated legally but still allow him to live in the house it is a 5 bedroom house only 3 people living it is so space is not an issue. Every time it comes up that dad is going to be moving our son has a major melt down and it effects school. I would be fine temporarily with this situation. I just want him to stop grouping me and asking for sex. Just a short recap he told me about affair in sept kept sleeping with ow till Nov. Kept in contact emailing texting facebook till March. Mind you the whole time claiming to want to be with me. He in fact stayed over night at her house then came home and tried to have sex with me. This Aug we wil be together 24 years I don't take ending things lightly I just do not see ever trusting or respecting him again. Oh by the way I support him finically.
@LyCat im sorry your hurting today. Do something nice for yourself. Pamper yourself or go out with friends. I am sorry that he doesnt respect your wishes not to touch you. That is not on.