But it's not my choice. It's never been my choice. If I could make it, I would've gotten rid of it a long time ago. It just gets in the way. As for the nice guys thing, I hate being a nice guy. We don't get crap, and that worries me cuz what if I can't find another girl? I know it sounds stupid, but it's true. Girls only date those moronic douche bags. Guys like me are the best friends who have to clean up the emotional mess those guys leave behind, just so she can turn around and make the same mistake again. It's happened to me too many times to remember, and it's depressing. Which is why most nice guys try to be assholes, and over achieve at it. I personally, hate being the nice guy. I'd get further pretending to be their gay best friend. I'm sorry if I'm ranting. I'm way p*ssed at the moment. Came home at 4am, just to realize the highlight of the week was going to wal mart with my manager, ex manager, and a coworker, none of which are women, then came home to a house full of people. That really set me off cuz then everything ran through my mind. Im almost 19, still a virgin, have o girlfriend, have no time for a social life, my car isn't even in my name, I don't even have a mother f*cking bed to sleep in...I f*cking hate my life sometimes.
On top of all tht, now I'm angry at my exes again, and at myself, cuz if they had never found out I was a virgin, then they wouldn't have had a reason to say no, and I wouldn't be one today. But I'm one of the "nice guys" and said "I can't lie to her..." and f*cking spilled the beans and so, just because of that, they REFUSED to touch me. BECAUSE IM A VIRGIN! Like,for real? Your gonna say I'm not ready? Your gonna tell me when I can? It's mine to get rid of, so let ME decide! And here's a real downer for ya, the only girlfriend of mine who understood that last part, about it being MY decision, turned out to. Be one of those "if you leave me, I'll cut myself" kind of girls. Talk about no self esteem? It's a bloody miracle I even had the nerve to ask out this last girl. I'm so tired of it. If they aren't crazy, they think they can make that decision for me. If they don't think that, then they use me and/or cheat on me...there's a great thought...I love it when they accuse me of cheating too...all I can say in reply is "m a virgin. If I was cheating, it would be because she's putting out, and you arent. And I wouldn't cheat, because I'd leave you for her." and yea, sometimes I feel like being that shallow. Apparently, shallow is what girls want, because being the nice guy is obviously love-life suicide. I think I've EARMED the right to be shallow. Bt I never will be. Ya know why? Because someday I'm gonna go to my high school reunion and laugh at everyone there. When I graduated, smething like 7 senior girls were pregnant, and I don't even remember the number of fathers. It's gonna be really nice to point and laugh. Make fun of me in high school? Guess who's makin more money than you could even dream of? Guess who has a life they can be proud of?
I sorry...that's not me. I don't do those things. Pus, I'm stuck being a cop for the rest of my life, so I'll see most of them between now and then anyways...that WILL be where I'm laughing.
And I'm sorry for the rant and the mean stuf I've said. I'm very angry this morning, and I really don't know if working tonight is a good idea, cu I'm not a people person. I deliver pizzas for a living, nd I hate our customers, the people on the roads, and most of my coworkers. They're all idiots, and all they talk about at work is sex...I don't like being around when they talk about that stuff. I never took an anatomy class or a health class, and that's part of the reason o hate the thought of losing my virginity, because I'm the stereotypical virgin. No idea what to expect, and no clue what to do. I hate my life so much sometimes.