Social Anxiety-horrible cycle

Mental Health Anxiety & Panic Disorders
1

I have missed classes due to being depressed and not caring about anything, but because I have anxiety I have missed more classes. I am not lazy and I hate that professors think I am. It is true that I have lost passion for my school work but I don't want to show up to class because I know they will be disappointed. I hate feeling like a failure but my depression and anxiety keep making it harder and harder to dig my way out of a hole. It has been like this for years. I wish I could just face them but its hard to admit that I suck at life and have problems.

Its a vicious cycle that I can't break.

2

You're a difficult situation. Social anxiety and depression eat you from the inside and isolate you from the help you need. It might be difficult for you to do this, but please try to arrange counseling for yourself. Counselors are non-judgemental and supportive and they can be very helpful in ways that might not obvious right now.

The web is a great resource for finding help without having to talk to people directly. In your post, you sound like you're attending a college or university and living either on campus or in an off-campus apartment. If so, many schools offer student counseling services. If you are attending college, I recommend googling " student counseling". They usually give their location and a phone number to call to set up an appointment. If the phone bothers you, it may actually be easier to go down to the center in person to arrange an appointment.

3

Thanks-I am talking to a counselor. We both know what I need to do when it comes to actually going to class and talking to the professor but its just too much. I'm hoping that I can get some pills that might calm me down enough to talk to them. It's so hard for me to face people and tell them I have issues. I don't know why but its just really scary, I never want to hear what they say in response. I wish I could run away but I can't can I?

4

You're right not being able to run Sorry. I'm glad you're in counseling. Really glad.

Obviously I don't know anything about the meds you're considering but in case you've never taken meds before, I wouldn't go into it to expecting miracles. Meds almost always have side effects and their effectiveness varies. They're more of a crutch to help you along. Become too reliant on them and they can do more harm than good. As long as you work towards depending on them as little as you can, they can be great bridge.

Anxiety can be awful because, once it really ramps up, it paralyzes and becomes even harder and harder to stop it from climbing. A couple of things I've found that help me are focused breathing and yoga. Willing myself to breathe slowly and deeply has a calming effect. It's most effective if I catch the anxiety early. Yoga teaches coordinating breathing with motion. Your body will physically react to your state of mind without you realizing it. When you're stressed, your tongue pushes against the roof of your mouth. As it gets worse, muscles in your back and neck tighten. Under high anxiety, you're stomach may feel woozy. The yoga practice helps me listen more carefully to what my body is doing so I notice the tension before it gets bad.

One more trick I've found is for the gaze-adverse. Gaze-aversion is when you feel anxiety from making any kind of eye contact. Not making eye contact makes other people feel mistrustful towards you. This can provoke a less-than-positive response from them which reinforces your social anxiety. It takes work to learn to make comfortable eye contact with others but it can help. If you are gaze-adverse, it can help to look at the spot between their eyes instead of into them. You need to be careful not to hold that look for more than 3 seconds without looking up and to the side quickly before returning. This requires practice but it can help.

5

I agree eye contact is a drag, but if you look at their nose they won't know and it may help.

I know all about where you are, i've been there for 30 years or so. If i didn't take the pills i'd be bouncing off the walls. Yes some have side effects, some are bad. The ones i take keep me even, not happy not sad. Pills aren't a cure all but they sure help. Mine keep my nerves knocked down so i'm not disfunctional. I have good days and bad days, but the bad are fewer with my pills.

Ask your doctor and look on line to see what they do. Some you can supposedly get hooked on, but i'd rather be hooked than bouncing off the walls.

Help and therapy good combination

good luck and i hope you feel better

6

I know what you mean about missing classes. I went from having a 3.81 average in highschool to failing out of college twice due to my lack of attendance. I know that overwhelming feeling to not be able to step outside of your bedroom door let alone go to class. Then you feel like you're in too deep if you've missed a class or two and the cycle begins. It's so tough to explain to people why you have missed classes, my parents made me feel like a failure rather than recognizing WHY I was missing the classes. I want to get my degree. I was able to get 60 credits so I have another 60 to go but I think I'll have to do online courses. I know I won't be able to be sucessful if I try going the normal college route again. If you can take courses online, try that. My Univeristy was made aware of my condition the first time I failed out and I was given a second chance. With the second chance I had to go to mandated counseling sessions, which helped, but still wasn't enough to keep me from missing the classes. If it gives you hope, know that I know have a really successful job in HR working for one of the worlds top pharma companies. So you still can be successful with this illness, it's not easy but you can do it.

It just amazes me how close your posts are to my life. When I read what you write it seems like me 5 yrs ago. I'm 5yrs ahead and have gotten some of my life together... you can and will too!! :)

You're not alone in this world, there are others just like you out there that can offer support and advice when you need it.

7

Thanks! That really does help! I have managed to find one online class for my last quarter. I only have two other ones which I am retaking. I fought to take independent studies to fulfill the last classes so that I could still do the same course work but just one-on-one with my professor, that didn't work out. I am hoping that I can talk my doctors into talking to the dean and figuring out a plan like this. I need an A to graduate but I don't think I can do it in a classroom setting. I have told my mom about it but she finds it hard to believe that I have a problem because I have gone through 5 years years "successfully" but she doesn't know the amount of classes I have failed or had to retake because of this. She thinks that if I'm really that bad that I won't be able to cope in a work environment and I'll never get a job. *shrug* who knows. I hope it all works out in the end like you. Thanks again.

8

Hey Jassy,

Sometimes life’s event’s and activities can build into a huge mountain in front of us that appear’s we cannot get around. It can happen to any of us at any time. Obviously, college can be a stressful time with FULL schedules of classes, social activities, work, relationships etc… Your mother needs to get “on board” with the fact that you are going through stress and anxiety issues that are effecting your life in a negative way. This problem may not of been here your 1st few years of college, but it’s here now. (To quote my doctor, “that’s like saying that I’ve never had heart problems until I had my heart attack.”) In simple english, that’s how several health issues start, they give no warning.

There are medications that WILL help, so go see your dr. immediately if you haven’t already. But your dr. will most likely tell you that you need to find a way to relax, work on breathing technics, yoga or meditation and exercise. I’m a 6’3 250 lb man, so when my dr told me to relax and try the above mentioned items…well, I laughed. However, they really do work!!! They are really meant as preventative measures from you becoming overstressed or anxious. Do some research on some of these things and incorporate them into your daily routine. As far as yoga, it does help to relieve stress, but also adds the side benefit of toning your body which is never a bad thing.

One other thing, limit your alcohol intake to very little, or even better…none at at. Excessive amounts of alcohol greatly contribute to depression and anxiety in the long term.

Make your Dr, counselor, mother and anyone else that you need to be on your support team aware of your current situation, you don’t need to go through this alone. Even by doing this, it will releave a large burden off your shoulders that you’ve mostly dealt with on your own.

Lastly, most colleges have some sort of program “if needed” where you can take a semester off, or w/d from a class or classes due to health issues with the acknowledgement of your dr concerning your condition.

College can be a HUGE pain in the rear, but it can also be a lot of fun. I hope things work out well for you.

The World is out there waiting for you to discover it, not to be in fear of it.

9

Jassy I find myself in a very similar position to yours in which school and work became extremely difficult to go through so its suffered for it and with your situation with your mom understand parents sometimes have a certain mind set where things like ours are completely new to them so they're sometimes filled with skepticism so they might not fully understand...and as for school as fearful as u r to talk to your counselor you will find your right way to talk just gata find what suits you might.b difficult at first but have at it with as much determination as u can

10

I as well am going through something very similar. I was missing classes, I was even afraid to go in the dining hall. I actually left school two weeks early because I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I am seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist, and thinking of transferring to school where I can live at home. But you are not alone at all!

11

Hey Jassy, your not a failure, and you don't suck at life. You are going through a really tough time right now. Maybe if you tell the professors, maybe they will understand. I can understand you not wanting to, but if they keep calling you lazy, that is just making your anxiety and panick attacks worse. I also have anxiety and panick attacks, and when people say negative things to me, which sometimes hurts me, it makes me feel less of a peerson and makes my anxiety worse. Hope this helps you.

12

Thanks everyone for your support.