Someone please tell me this is a narc tactic. My ex contacted me saying get support group and social worker identify me as the emotional abuser... I am already feeling a severe anxiety attack overpowering me.
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I swear I have a recording where she clearly abused me. I can share it if you don't believe me.
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Narcs love to turn things around and point fingers at everyone else. I worried about that too because I would come back at him when I reached my limit and would tell him off. Of course I am the b**** . That is another way to control. You don't want to be blamed as an abuser so you don't fight back. You keep quiet and take it
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Typical. My stbx lawyer says I was abusive and controlling because I paid all the bills with my salary(while he kept his), sent him to rehab/psychiatrists, and supported him while he ran amok getting arrested threatening people, abusing me , and with DUI's. They will paint whatever picture it takes to avoid blame and to recruit new supporters/benefit.
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@annetrue good point, she does need to feed and I am not around anymore.
You are right, this is what they do. I am indeed on the defensive already. I am not the abuser! I swear I gave her everything she wanted and kept quiet as much as I could for 7 years.
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@Anas76 I believe you. It’s tough because you feel like you need to stick up for yourself and let people like family and friends know that your not the bad guy. You’ve only been supporting her from day one and been very good to her. I feel you. My mother put my whole family against me and they believed her because she’s very persuasive and she does what ever she can to get people on her side. People were too upset to even call me and ask my side of the story(the correct story). That’s what makes me upset. I think I forgave them, but in still a little bitter about thinking about them. For instance, my aunt and I used to be close, but since she began under my moms spell we don’t talk.
Been there, people can be so manupulative... the worst part is when you actually start believing them
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Yes!!!!! I'm struggling with that still... after almost a year. I'm like wow.... I was so stupid back them. Why didn't I just stop and think for one second!
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@listerinelightning we were under their spell. They made us think that we were wrong and they were always right. They were never wrong, even if you caught them in a lie.
Thanks for the quick support everyone. I was spiraling out of it. Calming down now and realizing that a real narc wouldn't even care about a group of strangers' opinion. A group that never saw me and only exposed to what I know is a narc which is capable of manipulating them. I am an idiot to have left that line of communication to sort out divorce stuff. I just realized I wrote down that I will close that line if anything is discussed other than divorce stuff. Wow... She really did a number on me this morning. I am calmer now, but if it's okay, please confirm my logic about not being a narc is correct. I am shaking in my core.
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Thanks Yellowrose10! I read her message again and she says that her group identified me as the emotional and sexual abuser while she continues to deny it. Very clever of her indeed... She is still the angel who would say nothing bad about me. How did her group reach that conclusion if she said nothing bad?
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I even feel emotionally drained. I do have feelings!
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I am so grateful Yellowrose10 to an incredible extent. I would have collapsed if you and the others didn't take the time to support me. You are right, if I was a narc, I wouldn't feel this way. She took her time before "informing" me casually that I did this to her.
It's rather weird to be thinking the way I do right now. SO many feelings about the possibility of being a narc and yet, I am actively scared of being one. At least it's better than actually being a narc.
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My narc has been calling me an abuser on reddit for years now. He flipped the stories and left out key details. (Such as he claimed he had no choice but to sleep with his ex.) (such as "his" dog died and I was a heartless bch to him when the dog belonged to my kid.) (how I called him names, when I called him by my ex's name when he was behaving badly.) and on and on.
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@Appleblossom1 “no choice but to sleep with his ex”??? Did she hold a gun to his head??? (I am sure she didn’t) Did you throw him on top of her??? Ridiculous. I always asked for permission, even to speak and would stay quiet if she said “yes” then took over the conversation…
There were a couple of legal issues, so I asked him to find somewhere to stay for a couple of weeks. He claimed he had nowhere to go but to his old place with his ex and a twin bed... I pointed out when he left me he was in his old bedroom at his parents within 15 minutes. That made him even madder.
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I was panicking that maybe I am a narc feeding on being nice and having empathy. Then I realized your comment about "using our powers for good while they user their powers for evil". There is nothing wrong with being happy because I made someone else happy. That's how it's supposed to work for our soul, Good energy flowing in because we gave something to someone.
@Yellowrose10 May the Force be with you! Don’t let the Dark Side take you away!