Sometimes I wish I would just die already, it would make thiSometimes I wish I would just die already, it would make

Sometimes I wish I would just die already, it would make things so much easier, instead been struggling for past eleven years with Ana and Mia, my teeth are shot my hair is brittle and breaking, and I still don't know how to stop, it always seems like that was the last time, or last night was it, but then it just keeps coming, I can't seem to control myself to stop myself, even water I can't keep down all the time, feels like I feel my best when I'm dizzy and feeling tingling all over after a purge session...and having to disguise these episodes while at work so people think I'm just some little girl they have no idea, even my boyfriend of almost four years I can't tell honestly because I feel it'll just create more issues that I can stand to deal with right now, I waver everyday with wanting to die or wanting to admit myself to an inpatient place because that'll be the only way I see that maybe these issues can be forced out of me handling them on my own has been a disastrous adventure by myself, I just don't know anymore, scared I'm just making myself uglier at this point and wish I could've just been normal to have a normal relationship with food in the beginning

I'm genuinely so sorry to hear this, but please so many people would miss you if you died. You are a beautiful and amazing person and I know that your boyfriend and family and friends would miss you sooooo much. Please stay strong I need you to stay strong, I know it's hard. But please there's so many people here who will be there for you. Lots of love darlin!!!

Welcome Nalita. I have a bit of good news for you. You being here asking for help is a very good choice. There are many here who suffer the same as you and some who are in varying stages of rising above it. Look up at the top of the ED group page and you will see the manger's name: certifiedangus. She has given more positive information here than I could put a number on. Click her name and read some of the posts she has put up. Message her and ask for a little personal guidance. I'm sure you will get it. Best wishes for your recovery and once again... welcome.