Sometimes it feels easier just to stay in bed. I have to adm

Sometimes it feels easier just to stay in bed. I have to admit I am on here to help others to help me forget about my own problems,but I can't. I can't sleep at night, can't think straight or clearly. Afraid I am going to get shocked by my ICD no matter what I do. And I miss my heart the most. It has been 3 1/2 year since I felt it beat in my chest and sometimes I just can't take it anymore. I want to scream and cry. I don't want to feel a washer machine in my chest anymore. I want to feel it quicken as I run, or get excited. I dont want to feel llike a freak every time I go to the doctors because I have no pulse or heartbeat. I am tired of scanning my chest like a cyborg to get the readings to figure out what is going on. I am just tired and looking for help.

1 Heart

I am sorry for what you're going through with your heart disease. What is an ICD, I am not familiar with it? Are you a candidate for a heart transplant? I wanted you to hear the beatt of your heart again. I can't imagined, what you're going through. Have Faith, something good is going to happened soon- a miracle! My thoughts, and prayers are with you. SG friends are here, to support, and be supported.

1 Heart

@Irma an icd is a pace maker and a defibrillator in one. you know the paddles they use on people to jump start their heart when it stops? they yell clear and zap’em. well, I have that inside of me hooked up to my “heart” when it goes too fast. yes i am on the transplant list but it is confusing how it actually works which i am finding out as we go.