Song murder on my mind

A couple of days ago, i was triggered by this video. I have graphic images and talk about destructiveness during the night. I wont go into it unless given the okay. I figure if i watch it a thousand times i will get used to it. This video links me now to destructiveness from the past event. I am only posting this because it’s causing me to lose my mind. My wife tells me i am not doing good enough with working and she brings up divorce. Is this all related? Internally i feel alot like Death in puss in boots the last wish. He is MY favorite character wolf.

She was asking if she died first, what would i do? I told her, j would go back to NJ and than go to Hawaii. I would be alone and i would not be sure if i would enjoy it. There is nobody else to share the experience with and i would keep to myself.

I would probably return to self harm to have company

Note to self: watching Death makes me feel better.