This is the first time I've ever seeked support to try to help me with my eating disorder. It's hard for me to even admit to myself that I have a problem, I've already backspaced a million times because I don't know how to say it or where to start. I've been bulimic for 3 years. I thought I could quit whenever I wanted but it really is an addiction and the fear of gaining weight if I quit is overwelming.
I have always felt fat as far back as I can remember and can almost name to date every time I have been called fat. I think I hold on to those memories so I can use them as motivation to lose more weight. Somedays I feel good about myself and I stop purging for a while but then I step on the scale and freak out when I have gained weight and the cycle starts all over again. The thing that makes it the hardest is that my mom and grandparents comment on my weight all the time. Every time I go into a relapse and drop some weight they notice and tell me how good I look. I know my mom knows what is going on and it hurts me that she is more concerned with my body image than my health. I cry all the time because I hate the way I look and because this disorder is taking over my life. It's time to change. I know that If I wait unti the day that I feel thin enough to quit that that day will never come.