Not sure where to start of what to say. I'm the husband of a shopping addict - i believe.
To try and provide background so that i might be able to get some advise and direction:
Years back, during some tough times, i found some credit card statements that had been hidden. They were for 20k+ all in total. We took out load to pay them off and eventually did.
Within past couple years credit card got out of control again. to this day i cant figure what she bought before or in this round. During the confrontation she said she was shopping addict adn did it especially when i 'pissed' her off - typically during a financial discussion. We talked it through and said she'd stop that habbit.
Recently we had built our back account up, only to see it plunge 10k in a couple months - on top of that our credit cards stacked up to be 15k-20k. Again - wish i knew what our money was going to. (Note - i know its not any drug or the like).
Today - got call from a bank. Guess the statement is being sent elsewhere so i cant see it. She had indicated there was nothing outstanding on this account - guess what - 10K outstanding.
I just got the call, then searched and found this site. Shes not even off work yet. Trying to figure out how to approach it, what to say, how to calm my nerves down, etc.
And shes been talking about a huge vaction next year . . . no matter what i say her mind is there. I know my money tree has long died - not sure where she thinks shes getting the money from.
Hoping to figure out how i can deal with this, how i can get her to admitt her problem, and what the next steps are. I want to take the CC's away from her, but not sure how that will fly.
Any advise is appreciated
hi wifesaddiction......so sorry hun, addiction is a very powerful monster.....your dealing with the addiction not the person if that makes sense. as my addiction is of a different nature i can't advise you specifically. but i can tell you any addiction confronted will rear its ugly head to protect it self. taking credit cards/debit cards/checks away would be wise in my opinion. others on the site with direct experience can advise more accurattely. but i will tell ya this hun....stand your ground!
As a shopping addict, the best advice I can give is for you to approach her in a calm and supportive way. Let her know that you're upset about her addiction but you want to help her. The worst thing you can do is "attack" her, because that will send her to her addiction for comfort.
Honestly, the only thing that will fix the behaviors is for your wife to really get to the bottom of what drives the addiction and fix that. You can clean up the money situation and take control of the finances, but the addiction will still be there for her.
My long-time boyfriend tried to help me with my shopping addiction about 3-4 years ago by taking control of my finances. It didn't work for me. I didn't realize at that time that I had a shopping addiction, but I knew I didn't like him controlling any aspect of my life in that complete a way. Once I hit my rock bottom, I sought help from my parents in the form of a loan and took control of my money for the first time. I also go to therapy and that has been a huge contributing factor to my emotional wellness.
Suggest to your wife that she see a counselor if she's not already. If she is, see if you can go along to a session and discuss how her shopping addiction is effecting you and your marriage.
She needs to be treated for her addiction and you are likely the closest person to her. Your support will be a difference maker in her recovery.
Best of luck to you!