Spouse bought street drugs this weekend and I am ready to leave

I am at the end of the rope. My spouse has struggled with addiction since we met 10 years ago I was just too young and dumb to read the signs. 3 yrs ago, my spouse had a surgery that went wrong and caused long-term pain. Needless to say, they stopped drinking to subsitute with opiates. After 3 yrs, they went to rehab got clean and started dipping (again replacing) and soon after that started drinking again. The icing on the cake came this weekend, when my spouse bought street drugs to "feel normal" and told me about this last night. To my suprise I was numb, I mean did not cry, did not feel my feelings get hurt, was not suprised and just overall NUMB. I was more worried about how I was feeling at that point than my spouse. I tried hard to shed a tear and it was just not happening. I am worried that I am so over it I will leave. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that they would have to stoop so low to buy street drugs in order to feel normal. I guess I just don't understand. See, I have never had a problem with drugs/alcohol so I am turning to you to see if you can help answer questions.

Why do addicts yearn for something to help them feel normal?
Why do they always have to replace something with something else?
Why do they not care for anyone but themselves?
Why do they act like an innocent person with everyone else but are a demon when they are in their home with their spouse?
Why I am still hanging on?

We have a Psy. Appointment today and I will post a follow up after the appt.

Thanks for listening,

Torn in Indy

Hi Indianapolis, Welcome to SupportGroups.com . I am glad to see you both have a Psy. Appointment today. Hopefully that will go well for you both. Have you ever been to Alanon http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ and/or Naranon http://www.nar-anon.org/ ? If not, then I suggest you check those out. They are groups for loved ones of alcoholics and addicts. You can also find Alanon meetings here http://www.stepchat.com/ . As for your spouse, they have to want help for them self. Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

ITS REALLY HARD TO GET OFF OF DRUGS..EASIER SAID THEN DONE..SOME PEOPLE JUST HAVENT HIT ROCK BOTTOM! I WAS HOOKED ON HERION FOR 4 YEARS..TILL ONE DAY I GOT TIRED OF IT ALL....I KNOW PEOPLE WONDER WHY WE NEED TO REPLACE A DRUG WITH ANOTHER..WELL FOR ONE ITS BETTER THEN DOING HERION AS TO WHERE YOUR OUT THERE STEALIN AND DOIN STUFF YOU WOULDNT NORMALLY DO..A DRUG ADDICT IS GONA GET OFF WHEN HES READY..LIKE I SAID THERE COMES A POINT IN TIME WHEN THERE GONA GET TIRED OF IT AND GET SOME HELP. ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS PRAY FOR THEM..JUST DONT EVER BE AN ENABLER..YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND LET THEM KNOW HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE.YOU GOT WITHDRAWL TO FACE AND THEN ONCE YOU GET OVER THE WITHDRAWL STAGE THEN ITS ALL A MIND THING...ITS HARD BUT IF I CAN DO IT ANYONE CAN! I KNOW WHEN MY DAD WAS SICK FROM HERION WITHDRAWL I WOULD FEEL BAD AND GIVE IN TO HIM, SO I WOULD END UP GIVIN HIM MONEY TO BUY THE STUFF..BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT ALL I WAS DOING IS HELPING HIM KILL HIMSELF..HE WAS ON DRUGS FOR 20 YEARS..EVERYDAY HERION USER...IN AND OUT OF REHABS..TILL ONE DAY HE HIT ROCK BOTTOM AND CHANGED HIS LIFE AROUND..I NEVER THOUGHT HE WAS GONA STOP USING BUT HE DID..ITS BEEN 10 YEARS NOW... BUT ANYWAYZ GOOD LUCK..DONT GIVE UP.THERES STILL HOPE.JUST PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING! :) P.S THE WOSE THING A RECOVERING ADDICT CAN DO IS DRINK...THAT REALLY MAKES YOU WANNA GO GET HIGH..