Start counseling today. I realized a year ago that that I have a toxic relationship with my mom. She is 'nice'. But I realized that I couldn't make a single decision without asking my parents what they thought. It drives my husband crazy. I hung pictures on my walls that my dad would like (his mom painted them) even though I hated them. I picked out a dining set that I loved but when my mom said she didn't like it, I immediately decided it was wrong and not to get it. I've never trusted my own ideas/opinions. They never come to see us (20 min away) but get their feelings hurt if we don't visit them often. They never ask about my childhood. She hides insults inside of complements. She is never proud of me. When my family gets together it seems so superficial. Mom is judgmental. I see her roll her eyes when my sister talks. My parents open everyone's mail and reads it. I tried talking to my sisters about how dysfunctional our family seems but they don't want to discuss it. Makes me feel like im seeing something that is not there.
In looking at your siblings, is there a child that is recognized as being perfect in everything they do? While reading your post I kept thinking, "You have no boundaries." It appears your parents are running you. There is a lot of resources online in regards to Narcissistic Mothers and their Daughters. Google and just start reading. I hope you get a good counselor. If not, don't be afraid to find another. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right fit.
I was the golden child, though I was ignored like my sisters. I just wasn’t verbally attacked and slandered like my older sister was. I was my mom’s flying monkey. Mom held the darts and I threw them. She made my sisters and me hate each other.
Now that I see the truth, I know i was narcissistic copy of my mother. I didn’t have empathy. But now I see differently. I can feel love and compassion for others. It’s like I woke up and started living.
Good for you! You have done some reading. Curious, have you looked at your Grandparents?
I was the scapegoat child. Mother was Narc, father was Co-dependent, a marriage made in heaven. All of my sibs are dead and I have tried repeatedly to reach out to their children, but I find no acceptance, anywhere. A long story, as they all are. I really appreciate your candor. I'm glad you posted.
My grandfather (moms dad) was a monster. He had sex with my mom's sister. He tortured animals etc. I ended up being abused by him as well. My parents took his side and made me keep visiting him and hugging him for 10 more years. My grandmother said I lied about it.
OMG, you have really been exposed to a living nightmare and no one wants to talk about it. For you the name of the game will have to be in saving yourself. Hopefully your husband will be supportive. You have a long journey ahead of you. Perhaps someday you will be able to talk about it with family, but not until they begin to see you change. (As you rip your life apart in counseling you will discover yourself changing.)
I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you, but you know what? I admire your determination. You are willing to do something about it. That is half of the battle.