Starting a new life!

I have been out of my marital home going on 2 months on the 14th and I was served my divorce papers 32 days after I was thrown out.First off,I know I can do this but right now I know I am my own worst enemy. I admit I am not perfect and far from a saint and admit my marriage had its ups and downs but it really is painful to realize that it is over. I was married for 4 years and together for 5 years total. It was my first and her second marriage.I guess and know that I could not really think she could divorce again but history has a way of repeating itself I guess.

I didn't know how my wife was really feeling about of marriage when I left for a mans-weekend in early October.I quickly found out when I got back and found out that she was really unhappy and wanted more than I was giving her,i guess.I wish we tried to really work on it rather than her calling it quits.I just feel that not all was done to fix our problems and we left a lot on the table.

I admit we took things rather quickly and didn't have the normal dating period like so many other because of work schedules and her custody situation but it felt like a fairytale. Turns out that's just how she rolls,she moves in men quick and doesn't look back.She left me one day and literally had my replacement the next day.I know there is nothing I can do but move on but it has been real tough and an extreme hit to my ego. I know our love tank wasn't on empty and the decision did come as a shock.It doesn't matter now I just need to find the strength to move on!!

I can say I did get the cutest little boy out of the deal,now I am left with the joy of my son :) and the pain of divorce :(

It just feels extremely unnatural for me right now and really hurts that my son wont grow up with me and his mother together.I will be starting a new real good job in the new year and will just focus on that and him. I hope I get lucky and find a girl that makes me smile again and compliments me and accepts what I am and what I am not!!

time to be strong

how good to see u with such a positive attitude about the whole thing, yes u need to concentrate on your son and work but all so a bit of consuling wont go amiss so that u dont continue to make the same mistakes with a new relationship, sometimes its hard to see the cracks when they appear so next time keep the communication lines open and reasses the situation as u go along

wishing u all the best for the future

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

I most frequently see women on here. I am glad to see you are moving in the direction that is healthy for you and your son. It is crushing to learn your partner was your world, and you did not mean that same to them. And now your children will suffer. I never wanted my children to have the childhood I had. A broken home...so to that end, I have allowed my estranged spouse to move back in, and I am miserable. So unless it is something you both want wholeheartedly, don't go down that road either.

Best of luck on your new path...Hugs!

Thanks for the kind words!

A quote from Rocky V "It's not how hard you punch but its about how hard of a punch you can take and get up!!!"

I'm just getting to a point 2 months out where I can focus some energy away from trying to make my ex feel and understand the pain I have because of our split and direct that to whats more important,the rest of my new life!! I slowly found out that she doesn't care how I feel and if she did we most likely would still be together.

It amazing that you share a life and raise a family for years but it takes seconds to tear it apart and be left with something that you hardly notice. I can say over the past 2 months the person I was feel in love with and married,is nothing like the person I meet for custody exchanges or barely communicate with now.Her parenting style has changed and even how she treats the family dog that I gave to my family 2 Xmas's years ago. We were Attachment parents and what she is doing now is far from that.I feel that the person I married and was attracted to is no longer the person or soul that rests in her body anymore but rather a selfish,liar that has not thought of anyone but themselves going into divorce again.

Bottom line at this point I feel I was the beast parent I could be and I believe that the reason I have 50/50 custody of my son and actually have more time with my him than her proves it! I like a good laugh and what echoes in my ears now is my ex saying,all I ever wanted in life is to be a mother and have a nice big extended family.Now,what she has is all three of her kids 50% of the time and no extended family like what we had together. The shear fact she chose to end our marriage and settle for less than what I was able to provide her and the kids is another sign I have no idea of the person she has become and is currently.

As far as going back to her and my family,I would never do that.She caused me too much pain and suffering over the last 2 months to even be able to trust or forgive her!!As far as her the little respect I she has shown me has dwindled the love I had left in my heart for her to close to nothing. The will always be some feelings for her but never like I had during ourmarriage.

In the end I still love her 2 kids that I was raising for the last 5 years,I do.I just worry about them ,its their 2nd divorce and I will most likely really never have any true contact with them ever,due to a PFA. My son will be my life as he always has been and I will be his constant stable parent,I will make sure of it.

A thing that help me a lot was a post i found and posted below about how someone that has guilt associated with their infidelity.Its common for them to transfer their guilt to the innocent party so they can rationalize their bad decisions.She used all 4 on me and the things she said hurt badly until I read that article and realized I had my part in the problems in our marriage but ultimately it was her decision to take the only step that would break me and our marriage up.

http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/1137/~/how-can-i-deal-with-my-wife-blaming-me-for-her-adultery%3F

time2be

its great that u are now in a place where u are heading onwards and upwards, and u are right its frightening to look at a loved one and not know them at all, the window dressing of extended family didnt have enough sway in the end so i wouldnt worry about what she wanted and has now lost, it was almost like a childs whim i want this that and the other but now ive got it time to move on

u stay strong for your boy

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

Time2be, keep focusing on your son as he needs you more then ever to keep feeling safe/secure/loved. Do your best to keep remembering that one needs to stay civil w/the ex & always have your childs best interest at heart regardless of what transpires w/her, am sure your well aware of that fact.

Above all take care of you.

April

Hey there. Chin up. People are inherently bad. You must find the ones worth hurting for. Happy Holidays.

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