I'm struggling. I've been restricting and overexercising. I don't know how I'm going to manage the next couple of days before I enter PHP. I'm so keyed up and anxious about everything--PHP, school, and of course weight, body image, and all of that junk. *Sigh*. And I feel like I'm letting my parents down and making them sad/angry. I hate having this kind of tension in the house. On top of it, while the hospital is recommending that I stay in their apartments while I do PHP, my parents just can't afford that right now, so I'll be stuck coming back to a triggering environment every night. I mean, it's not that I expect them to shell out money that they don't have; it's just that it would be nice if I could follow the hospital's recommendations (which my parents and I also agree with). At any rate, it's just a frustrating situation altogether. I hate feeling so trapped and so paralyzed by the disorder. GRRR!
I'm sorry you're suffering so much right now... I'm glad you're going to be getting some help, though. Eating disorders really help us to cope with life, or so we believe, so it makes sense that now when you're feeling so much stress, pressure, and fear your behaviors and obsessions are intensifying. I believe it's our way of protecting ourselves, though of course the result is the opposite of what we intend...
Keep writing. Ask for what you need. I hope you'll find yourself in PHP soon. ♥
i trust the professionals will help you--and i wish there was a way for your environment to not be triggering... is there anything you can do abot that and what is triggering about your environment...
wishing you well and glad you are going for treatment
I'm glad you are going to PHP, but I wish you didn't have to deal with the environment you are in currently. Is there anywhere else you can go for the time being? What do you find so triggering about your home?
At any rate, this treatment is going to be good for you. Try to rise above all the bad knowing that PHP is going to help you in the long run.
Remind yourself of your goals and what needs to happen to achieve them.
We're all rooting for you, and we all believe you can do it <3
I wish I could be by your side with you through all this pain. But just know you're not alone because we all live in your heart.
True...I am sorry that you are strugglng, but I do understand that going back into treatment can be very hard..but necessary. You deserve to do whatever it takes to recover!
I also wonder if there is anyone else you can stay with while you are in PHP, at night, so that you can have a break from your home environment? Friends? A relative? Even someone else in the PHP program? I hope you figure out how to manage this, and that you continue to write here about your fears. Take care...Jan ♥