Starting to get there... freaking

so far it has been surprisingly easy not to give in to any symptoms or urges.
but now, it's the whole family together, and like 20 bowls, plates, and pots of food around pluas drinks.

i can feel anxiety coming on, i wanna leave, i wanna cry, i wanna eat. i can't succumb to any of it, not around my family who actually knows im dealing with all this crap. i simply cannot break down but i honestly don't know how i can do this today without completely hiding away.

this feels so ****, so out of control, i want all this to just go away!!!

Me too Maedi, me too. I feel your hurt and literally feel your thoughts and struggles...it fucking sucks hun, no other way around it or better words for it, it fucking blows. BE STRONG ♥

thanks for understanding, gina.
we just had (late) lunch and i feel cause i ate steamed broccoli that i overate. this is so **** insane cause i know i could eat 10 heads of it and not gain weight.

and then being around all people is so exhausting, keeping up the mood when all i wanna do is retreat!

how are you getting on today?

maedi

im sorry u are having a hard time with all the family but think about all u achieved yesterday and your list of to do things, have u put your wellies on and gone and stamped in the snow, mayb some of the others want to go for a walk in the winter wonderland
dont feel down hon u are/have been doing wonderfully

i wish i could help u more
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

thank you domestic! yeah, did go out a few times. was very convenient when everyone was eating cake and the lil puppy had to go outside! i jumped at the opportunity to get away from it all! ****, cant wait for xmas to be over!

how did you all get on during the holidays?

maedi

lets just say i love my family but hey im glad its all done for another year,

how was yours in the end?

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

Hey Maedi,

I'm sorry you were struggling so much and hope you were able to keep your sanity while dealing with the family. Believe me, I know how triggering, stressful and difficult it is to be around family, so I hope you're doing okay.

By the way, I also get completely exhausted when around too many family-members, so you're not alone in that. It makes sense for you to want to retreat for a while, so always designate a room for your mini-breaks. When I was younger, I would lock my-self in some-one's bed-room when it became too exhausting to deal with the crowd and feel better within half-an-hour and join them again. Most of the time, they hadn't even missed my presence, so it was perfect. LoL.

Any-way, hope your holiday week-end was okay and that you're doing well.

Take care,
own_ghost

hey my lovelies!!

thanks once again for helping me through these days!
it did all got better than i thought, although last night i did give in to the urge to b/p. but at least it was only once in 3 days and i didnt have any panic attacks or cut throughout xmas either. so i guess thats mainly good.

but oh yeah, the days are over, lets get back to normalcy :-)

hope you all manage to finish this (****) year on a high!!
lets do it!!

love y'all
maedi