Stepping Back to Reflect

Mental Health Depression & Mood Disorders
1

gonna take a step back to reflect on where I stand today

get an idea of my goals and what i can expect to achieve and how to

i feel an outcast as of late esp

with this not working stuff

i have always worked, it is very hard for me to adjust to this..

tests being done this week, i hope will provide some answers

i go to see disability person/advocate next week, so that is good.

i am starting early based on how i actually feel, my inability to work regular
as well as a doctors input i just recently got.

so we shall see what these tests reveal as to wth is wrong w/ me that causes so much pain all the time

I am going to try to enroll in school as I have been told it will not interfere w/ my disability claim.

now the tricky part will be to survive the waiting time of all this stuff.
and to find the way to continue to take care of the dogs i have to take care of.

I am thankful to God for my blessings and I am requesting for prayers today.

It is just one of those days where this new way of being with my impairments is really mentally getting to me.

i hope to get inspired again and move forward, I am just not feeling all too great today..
so much uncertainty and trying to keep it from beign too stressful non me
worrying about financial issues that come w/ my new territory.

and feeling frustrated with my inabilities to do.

the wating time for this and for that is a constant
waiting on something...

meanwhile what do i do while i wait? that seems to be the question...

I am trying to keep from getting depressed so I just may have to have a good cry over this mess I feel i am in that I cannot escape out of..
my own head is making these things feel so much worse than they are by nature.

I'm afraid of this thing.
stopping me oin my tracks each time I try to pursue something
i have started and stopped so many times, i cannot even count.

so i'm just gonna keep trying to make the best of it.

today is just not a good day for me. i am feeling very beat up and tired from all of it.

I though maybe to write would help.

2

pegasus

it sounds like a really tough time. at the beginning of your writing it sounded like you have this HUGE plate of stuff going on in your life from being sick to you dogs etc. but at the end it sounds like you know what you need to do. you already have good plans in mind.
-"I need a good working routine to follow each day "
-"I need to come up with some goals and ideas to pursue and then begin to pursue them."
-"I need to take a break , slow down, deep breath and go have a chat with God"
-"BAck to the basics for me"
-"I am going to enroll in school as I have been apprised that won't affect my disability claim,"

your fiance sounds like a main supporter of you and that he takes care of you helps you and hopefully keeps you on a positive path embrace him, god has given you people in your life to make you feel loved from your fiance to your dogs to us on here and im sure many others hes also give you angels to help you through your strong you WILL make it through you have plans already in your mind write them down post them somewhere you will see everyday work toward them, you ARE able your ARE smart and you ARE going to make it through. think about this time that your waiting for ssd a time where you are caring for your self on getting motivated again on getting your health stable on loving yourself and seeing how sweet caring strong smart and beautiful you are. it time that you have been given for yourself, but even though it will be tough it will test you like everything god throws at us but it will teach you even more and it will help you grow and heal.

sending you good thoughts and big hugs
take care keep writing
dahlia

3

thank you very much dahia, i am crying reading your words
i went and reposted edited my post before i realized that you had wrote back to me.
so thank you very much for all of that. really does mean a lot to have someone reach out like this

i dont' know what is wrong w/ me today. i go pretty good and then it seems like everything hits me at once and i start to get worried about what will happen

i dont' like not being able to contribute to my house and all this down time.
but i won't give up
you are right, i know what i need to do, i'm just not feeling so great today

thank you so much for your kind words Dahlia
really means a lot

4

i may just even have the **** and wicked PMS so i'll keep my eye open for that one, as I feel so very irritable and you know what though?

i need to just let it go all the crap bothering me and just focus on today and tomorrow's plans

i will go again to make up my goals and plans
thing is i do believe i can accomplish whatever it is I want to if I work hard and steady at it each day
it just feels as though I dont' knwo what that is yet? as i dont' knwo what is wrong w/ me yet?
so I feel like I'm stalled and cannot make any plans

i've been trying to come up w/ a game plan that is not contingent on being healthy though ...so i'll keep on keeping on.

thankful for what i have thanks for writing.

5

yes i am concerned how to keep our home and my dogs all online plus my rescues.
not sure how this will all play out

praying to God for His help here,
and YES God has helped me so very much and my angels have been doing OverTime

and you are one of them too! thank you again..

I hope you are doing good today,

6

pegasus
i know your conserned and you have every right to be it can be really stressful and with you being sick i know it will not be easy but i believe in you. i look up to your strength . i know you will make it

im sorry it took me so long to reply ive been out and about having a tough time

hope your doing well and feeling alright i care about you

7

thank you dd

i am feeling a bit better

i think i am having PMS...it would explain my crying jags and being super irritable.

trying not to feed it

feeling much better, it helps a lot to have this group here to write up my feelings and then move forward.

sorry you are having a tough time.

thank you again i am feeling better

I am gonna go post some more it really helps to write and hear some feedback and I thank you so much for that dear...

8

im happy to help anytime