Hi,
I am new to this group. I have been diagnosed with herpes for 6 years. I have had several sex partners and a relationship since then. I am not sure why I feel this way, but I still feel so embarrassed and humiliated. I am still single, so when I meet someone new and the time comes, I still have to "tell them." I hate it. I wish it was never me! I feel like such a loser. I just want to have sex without telling everyone I sleep with this terrible thing. I can't not tell them, and I still want to find love so...
Does anyone feel like me? I sometimes hate myself because if I was just careful blah blah blah, you know.
Trina, I commend you for being responsible enough that you let your partners know. I know it must be a very difficult thing to do, but you are being very mature about it. Good for you.
Now, with that being said, yes you made a mistake, you have life long consequences for that mistake, but that mistake and those consequences don't define you as a person.
We all have good and bad things about us. WE have a tendency to focus on those negative things more than anyone else. We obsess over them. Instead we should be obsessing over the positive things about us.
Satrina is not herpes. Satrina is.... Fill in the blank, but with good things.
I absolutely commend you for telling your partners about it... the last relationship I was in I didn't disclose it until after we had already slept together. Luckily she understood and still accepted me with it. I fell in love, too in love, then we split. Oh it was rough....
I absolutely hate the woman who I got it from, she still denies having it and I KNOW it was her.
The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that when I do get into another relationship, I am going to avoid sex - not in a paranoid way, but I will admit that I want to build a relationship with the sexual stuff aside. Someone worth it will understand... When the time comes for me to let her know, I am sure I will be confident enough in the relationship to work up the courage...
I have had herpes for 17yrs and I have had two REALLY bad outbreaks during that time (I do have very mild ones at times). I am having a really painful one now and I still get depressed about it because you have a painful reminder for one or two weeks. I told my husband when we started to get serious about our relationship and this is exactly what I said..." I want to give you the choice that I never had, I have GH and now that you know you can decide to take our relationship further or stop it". My husband was very happy that I gave him a choice and he chose me because he knew that I was an honest person, we have been married 15yrs and have one daughter. Don't give up, I wanted to and I'm glad that I didn't =)
i dont have herpes but i understand feeling dirty and embarrassed there is no way to make it go away you jusst have to accept it and do the best with what you got i myself am still working on acceptance so i might be wrong
hi im new to this i was diagnose with GH about two months ago. I knew the person that gave it to me and i was mad at her but i realized that she too did not know she had it. i accpet the fact that i have it but right now i feel that no where in the future i will have a realtionship because of this. im trying to figure out if i do talk to a girl and it gets serious and the oint of having sex comes up i will have to tell her i have GH. That would be hard and i dont know what i would say.
I know exactly how you feel. I am in the same predicament, except that I don't seem to have any opportunities to have this 'talk' with anyone these days. It causes me serious problems when it comes to dating. I got it 15 years ago and though I rarely have outbreaks and have never transmitted it to anyone, I credit it with killing my hopes of ever having a normal or decent sex life. I was a person who felt sexually insecure to begin with, so you can only imagine what a blow this was! I salute you for continuing to date and not letting this stop you from pursuing a love life!
I wish society was more understanding of the reality of herpes. The pain of herpes is the stigma that goes with it, not necessarily the disease, for most people. Every time I hear a joke about herpes I get hurt because then I am reminded that I am somehow defective and undesirable. I am offended because it isn't funny at all - but I can't say anything! I wish I could just 'come out' about it, but I'm too afraid it will make me 'untouchable' to do so.
You are doing the right thing to tell them. Ther is nothing for you to be ashamed of, someone had to give it to you. We make mistakes all the time and that is not your fault. Try and keep safe. take care.
i was diagnosed in october 10. i did a normal yearly std test thinking there is no way i could have anything. ive been with the same guy for 8 years and have been with no one else since then. i was teted 5 years ago and all was negative so when the doctor came back in the room asking how the herpies were i fell into shock i told her she must be in the wrong room cause there is no way that i could have it boy was i wrong. i guess it was then that i knew for sure without a doubt that my bf had cheated. he of course swears that he doesnt have it and he is refusing to get tested. i have had no outbreaks and from what i have learned i dont look foward to the day i do.i am aloe in this. i havent had the situatiom of telling a partner and im not sure i could. i hate that i have this but i would never pass it to someone else. deep down i know ill never have a other partner cause im not xomdfoertable with this. my body i no longer mine. i am the "herpie girl." in my head so i can't imagine telling anyone else and them knowing it and calling me it. im still sorta with the guy who gave it to me so this is weird for me. i commend u for telling ur partners! u rock!!!!
I feel for your situation, even though it is not one of my issues.
I do however suffer from cold sores on my mouth, mainly the top lip that take 7-10 days to heal, and not only are they quite painful, but are hideously ugly and I hate people looking directly at me, as I always wonder if they are thinking, ugh, what is that nasty thing on her mouth, yuk !
So my heart goes out to you.
Blessings
I've given up on dating, having grown tired of the rejection I experience when I share my secret. Being single and alone has it's advantages but I still miss and crave, the friendship and loving touch of another woman. Maybe I've become to accepting and complacent in these 5 years since.
i just want to say i have herpes as well, i was infectd by my ex. i have the same feeling with, but i cant be single forever, so i want to find love very much, now i am on a stdloving site, i signed up,i found many herpes people there, i believe, i will find my love there,u can have a try , hope u join!!!
Alright folks here is my 2 measly cents.... I was diagnosed with GH about 7 years ago. I am one of the few people that I know of or heard of that has it and has outbreaks at least 6 times a year. I was married for 3 years and my partner had it as well so everything seemed ok... Well we are getting a divorce and I was thrown back into the world of dating. People are a lot more accepting of this than they were probably 10 years ago. Some astronomical number like 8-% of americans have this disease. I found that the best way to go about it is to be open and honest about it from the begining. The first time you are talking with someone that you feel it might be serious you should let them know, not wait two months and then right before you have sex tell them...Honestly how would you feel? cheated? lied to? Honesty is the best policy.
There is no reason to feel ashamed or dirty my dears. I promise you that, there is nothing any more different about you than anyone else!
In my case I was only 17 when I contracted and it was from someone who lied to me and also was a very, well just a bad person with limited feelings of guilt. He was 4 years older than me and did not care about my feelings, my body, or how it would effect my life. But I can say with a clear conscience that with or with out I did not let it effect my life. Even when dating you will find someone that is going to love you for who you are not what you have, whether that be a physical or mental disease. Please do not let having Herpes get you down. We are all better than that.
To those who feel as though they can not have a normal sex life because of it, that is NOT TRUE, please do not deny yourself on of the best, simple, and most basic pleasures in life. You do not deserve that. Sex is a wonderful thing and to let this hold you back is not fair to yourself. You can always use condoms if you feel that strongly about it, also there are medications such as Valtrex that can help with the limiting of the shedding of the virus to almost nothing. Please use your resources. and if you ever need someone to talk to on how to approach your partner about it please msg me. I will def be around.
1 Heart
I was just diagnosed yesterday. I have been having regular tests for years. I always use condoms,but apparently my downfall was oral sex. I havent had a new partner in a while until recently. I had been single since I caught my ex-fiance cheating. I just made love to this new man. I went for a normal yearly pap smear & std test. I got my results back. I feel so incredibly ashamed. I do not know how to tell this new person in my life. I know I need to juts not sure how to do it. I owe it to him to make sure he isnt infected. I know it will be over after that. I can be ok with that. Im not sure what to do beyond that. I have only made a couple decisions since this is new. The first decisions were to read ll the literature my Dr. suggested & read about my treatment & medication labels,and then to tell my new friend. AnY suggestions? I can handle him hating me & leaving me. I just dont want him to think I knew & didnt tell him & put him @ risk on purpose. I would never do that. I just hope he understands enough to keep my secret & know that I will never sleep w/ someone again that isnt aware of the risk.