Still kind of freaking out. Starting to come to grips. It's apparent this is really happening. We did seem better at talking today but no plans changed. But maybe that's a good thing?? We were much more civil and had a few nice chats to a degree. She still seems very angry. I told her she could take whatever but don't take my clothes and leave me some toiletries and a TV and laptop. She can have everything else.. Keep whatever here for kids but whatever else is yours. Another demonstration to show my feelings for her. It's material and means nothing to me. Her and my family that we built after a mistake I made is what matters to me.
1 Heart
Hi there i just caught up on your other post. I agree with you it is very confusing and i think you are right that your wife could benefit from some counseling especially if you didnt do any after the affair. I understand that you are hurt and angry. What i tell the betrayed partner is, you can leave anytime. If you still arent happy in 5 months 5 years you can always change your mind. That being said, the people i say that to are trying everything to save their marriages. They are in counseling and doing research, reading books and trying to better themselves and their relationships. I tell people if your partner is showing no repeat behaviours and is remorseful and showing you that they are comitted and serious about working through the issues then its possible to get through this. You seemingly did most of these things and had put it behind you mostly. Do you believe that she has harboured these feelings all this time? I think you are doing the right thing giving her space. If you can, bring up therapy. I think if you both go individually it would be good. Then later on if she is up to it you might be able to go together. Has anything else changed that you are aware of? When the affair came up in arguments can you remember what she said about it? I know at the time it probably made you angry that she kept bringing it up. That was probably the first sign she wasnt dealing with it. From my experience that was when i knew i needed help to get over it. I am still with my hub and still unsure where we will be in 5 years. It is hard to get over the person you love most breaking your heart. Did she get details of the affair?
You know maybe it's just me and my selfishness I guess, but I get how being cheated on breaks the trust and heart. However if the love you shared prior to the infraction was strong AND a choice is made to stay and work on it AND the person is doing what is asked and expected and doesn't repeat the mistake I guess I don't understand how things would not become better? I mean yes people are different and reactions are different. But to say I want to try and then have more children and apparently push the feelings down? How does that exhibit trying? How is that an effort? How does someone simply say well I stayed that should prove I tried? That's what is so frustrating. I am happy you are still trying and able to be with your spouse and I wish you all the best for sure. I hope my situation turns out similar....