Still struggling

This was the first time I was pregnant. I had my first doctor's appointment in October 2012. I knew I was pregnant because I had the symptoms and I took two tests, but they could not find anything. They took my blood twice and told me to come in the following week. That whole week waiting for the sonographer to take a look again was gut wrenching. All of these thoughts going through my head. The next appointment was the most devestating event of my life. They found the baby, but with no heartbeat, it was an ectopic pregnancy. The baby was 7-8 weeks and was already forming where you could see the shape of the face. I went to emergency surgery within three hours of finding out. The surgery was suppose to be laproscopic, but little did I know, the doctor had to open me up. I had an interstitial ectopic pregnancy, which means that my baby was growing in between the fallopian tube and the uterus. I found out this is the rarest of ectopics and that you have a higher risk of bleeding out. Awesome, right? My doctor had to cut where a c-section would be and right through my lower ab muscles. I did not feel great when I woke up. I was out of work for two months and when I went back, I was thrown into the Christmas retail holiday and I don't think I was ever able to mentally and emotionally heal myself. I started to realize this when everytime I saw a baby or someone who was pregnant, I would cry or get really emotional. That transitioned to being more angry and upset more than usual. Anyone else still feeling like this? I just want to heal.

I know alot about that... My neice was born with a mass on her back as a result she now has a box in her right butt cheek that lets her know when she has to go to the bathroom. She can not have children because she cant deal with the pain. She has lost two babies bleeding out each time. Shes so sad and depressed when she looks at my nephew son because she and the baby momma was pregnant around the same time. My other sister had a still born.. It takes a long time to heal from things like that. Plus i have a friend whose sister has lost every child she has carried but no one can figure out why. But she did get lucky once and she has a healthy daughter. The great lord has something worth wild planed for you. Dont give up just yet. Pray about it, vent about it, and keep trying you have alot of love to give

im so sorry for your loss :-(

it will get better, but it will take time, and there will always be a part of you that is sad for your angel baby