I was molested and sodomized by my own brother for at least 5 years of my life. My earliest memory of it happening was when I was 7 and it lasted till I was almost 13. I have tried blocking it out of my mind, and for many years I could since he disappeared. But now that he is back in my family's lives, his return has dug up all of those horrible memories of what he did to me and I can't seem to find the strength to fight it. My fear and hatred for him has gotten so bad that I can't even speak to my mother anymore because she feels that I should just sweep it under a rug as if my past were dirt. She is ashamed of what happened and doesn't want my dad to find out. I don't want my dad to find out either. It will solve nothing if he were to know that his only biological son abused his baby girl. But, I can't hide the fact, nor will I lie or cover for my brother when he belongs in prison for what he did. I just can't put him there because my mother, instead of protecting me from him when she found out, she convinced me to keep my mouth shut so the neighbors and the rest of the family wouldn't find out. Even worse yet, I am starting to have I guess what you would call flashbacks and I am remembering things that I blocked out for years. I keep having a flashback of one of my sisters abusing me alongside my brother, but I can't see her face. I confronted both of them, but they both deny it and I know in my heart that one of them is lying. I have no other family and I feel so alone. Now that I can't even speak to my mom, I feel lost, like I have no one to turn to that can or will understand me.
:( that's awful. I'm so sorry you went through all that. It must be very hard now that all those terrible memories are coming back into your mind. Do you still live with your parents? If not, then it's not up to your mom whether or not you keep your mouth shut about this. I truly dont think she understands how you are feeling and the pain you went through:( have you tried really expressing the pain and horror you were and still are experiencing? You can turn on me:) I'm here for you
I have talked to my mom and have shared what I can without giving graphic details of what I can remember. In fact, she shared with me that she too was once abused in a similar manner by one of her brothers when she was young, but her situation only happened once. I tried to explain to her that to me, rather it happened once, or a million times, it happened one time too many. I thought that maybe since she is a victim as well, that she just might understand me and help me, but I was wrong. Now, if we speak at all, she talks down to me and is very mean. I emailed her the other day and finally just blew up at her and gave her more details than she probably wanted to know, but I don't know what else to do to make her understand that even though I know I am wrong in God's eyes for the way I feel, I have the right to feel the way I do and not her or anyone else has the right to tell me different until they have walked a mile in my shoes.
I think she may be in a bit of denial that her son did this to her daughter. This situatiion you went through is probably bringing up bad memories for her. But she should be there for you no matter what. And she's obviously isn't which Is a problem. You have every right to feel the way you do. Your in pain! How can anyone blame you??
WOW if you get a chance read my posts our situation is very similar I was molested by brother from 9 untill about 15 .......only because he knew he couldt get away with it anymore he stopped.....he 5 years older than me......but he never left i just blocked it out untill I was about 18 or 19 and then the flashbacks anxiety and things began I just recently told my mother about a month ago we moved away so not being around my brother made me see much clearer in how wrong he was. My mom doesnt want to tell my dad and i dont feel like he needs to know either but he is always bringing up my brother. so i feel i have to move out or tell him. I held this secret for so many yrs( I am now 21) and finally told and my mom did the same thing wants no one to know and expect me to act like everything is normal around my dad who see's my brother as the good one and me the screw up! I have not confronted my brother I have acted like we are on good terms for so long I am scared of what I would do if he denied it! and I am pretty sure he will.... but I know it happened it took a long time for me to believe and accept it. I have just been avoiding him and Im sure my dad wonders why......If I dont end up moving out soon I feel he will eventually have to be told.......mothers hide these things because they are ashamed confused, and may be partially in denial.......Just like someone told me your mother may be ashamed or whatever but shes is the mother if you feel like your hiding this and not taking legal action because you want to listen to your mother....don't she is supposed to protect you not you protecting her. I am still having a hard time realizing this and the more I do I have more resentment towards her.....now for me it is too late to press charges to much time has passed, but if you feel you want to I would do it before its to late......but of coarse make sure you would have somewhere to go and some support if your family is upset with your decision........your story is very similar to mine.... keep me updated if you can!!! I know what its like to live a lie!! I still am now! It can only get beter though
Christina,
what your going through is absolutely terrible, you should not have to keep this horrible secret anymore. no one has a right to tell you when to tell or not to tell...this is your story and your experience, no one elses. Do you have a therapist to talk with and be supportive of you?
Hey, everyone... I was molested by my step-dad from age 9 up until he moved out at age 12. After he left I lived my life like nothing happened but in the past few years I have been told by ex boyfriends that being molested and not dealing with what happened to me, affected my relationships with men. Even my relationship with my brothers and my mom have all changed since that happened to me. I feel like my mom blames herself and also thinks I feel like she didn't protect me. I use to blame everybody, my mom, my brothers and even myself for letting it happen and letting him get away with it so long.
To LALA21, it is not to late for u to press charges and find peace because I am now 22 and just pressed charges last
Hey, everyone... I was molested by my ex stepdad from age 9 up until he moved out at age 12. After he left I lived my life like nothing happened but in the past few years I have been told by ex boyfriends that being molested and not dealing with what happened to me, affected my relationships with men. Even my relationship with my brothers and my mom have all changed since that happened to me. I feel like my mom blames herself and also thinks I feel like she didn't protect me. I use to blame everybody, my mom, my brothers and even myself for letting it happen and letting him get away with it so long.
To LALA21, it is not to late for u to press charges and find peace because I am now 22 and just pressed charges last dec. I think u have 11 yrs to press molestation charges. Anyway the went and picked him up at his job out of state and he is getting indicted with in the next mth....
I just want to say its not to late and u should do what is best for u and your health and not try to spare your family from getting hurt, especially if its still affecting u. U will feel much better once u let this secret out.