Story from last night...Yesterday my guy and i had a great day together. He was very attentive and helpful...washed the floors for me, took out the garbage, told me several times how beautiful i was, and in the evening he told me he doesn't look at women anymore the way he used to - he said he used to attach a personality to their pretty face and then fantasize about them and he doesn't do that anymore. He feels totally satisfied with me. He's told me this before, he just said it a little differently this time. Of course it's nice to hear. The story is, in the evening, being around him was like being with a woman with PMS. He was hot and cold all night. He was being sweet, but it felt like there was some underlying anger underneath it all. I was feeling affectionate and drawn to him one moment and repelled by him the next moment. By 11PM i was tired and totally irritated by him. We didn't fight, but i just left the bed and went into another room to sleep. He was making me tense. I can't even put my finger on anything he said or did. That part is frustrating because then there's nothing to talk about. I think i understand it though. I think when he opens up and becomes vulnerable to me, it feels uncomfortable and that's where the anger comes from. Also, we haven't had sex all week, that might be doing it to. I'm just telling this story because it is so weird to have your guy saying and doing everything right and then acting like he's angry. I'm sure some of you ladies experience this. Mixed signals. If you're suffering from trust issues, it can be especially problematic. For me, if he was feeling vulnerable with me in the past, he would have turned to another woman to feel in control again. If he was acting like this in the past, it would have been a sign of trouble. I'm glad he's finding different ways to cope now. I'm going to have to find a way to talk to him about this. Or maybe i should just leave it alone? What do you think.
You need to talk to him and tell him you are feeling confused or upset. At the same time I think the route of it may just be the elephant in the room that will just be there for awhile. Talking will help but likely not solve it. I know I think about my wifes affair 24/7 even though I am heading to 11 months since dday. I do not tell her that. I am not sure how much she thinks about it but I know she does. If I am quiet or acting different she picks it up and asks what is wrong. I answer with "nothing" because it is always the same thing, the affair is just on my mind. Once in awhile I will tell her that I think about it all the time so she knows but I am trying to get to normal without ignoring the reality of how a feel.
I think you are doing the same. You are not normal and you are trying to get there. Dealing with that is something you do not like so you get hypersensitive to your husband. He caused this so you are not going to be really into him for some time.
If you believe he is trying and sincere then focus on the good of what he is doing. Have sex with him. Focus on the future, Find new ways to communicate by doing something new together.
Thanks for sharing, it is nice to know we all have the same long winding road struggles. Good luck.
=)
@Ariel7890 It's good to know he is working on it. It seems you two are doing much better. I am so glad to hear that.