I just found out about a month ago that I was pregnant. I was a couple of months and had just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. Let me start by saying we broke up because of his alcohol addiction. He is 35 and has had a problem since we met.
When we first started dating, i knew he had a problem. He was getting wasted every night after work with the guys and would come home, pass out, pee the bed (and on me) then wake up in the middle of the night and try and make food. He would often leave the grill on or the oven on. I spent the last two years trying to help him. untill finally one day, I gave up. he had cut back a lot. he was comming home after work, and was being the man I had always dreamed of...Untill one night he went out and when I woke in the middle of the night, he was peeing on our laundry! I left him and never went back. then I found out we were pregnant. He was so excited and Happy which was strange because he had told me when we broke up the last time he didn't want kids because he was too selfish.
We started seeing eachother again and things were going GREAT! Then this last Saturday night he went out with his brother. No problem. Called me around 7 to say he would be home at 9, that he was having a couple of beers and PROMISED he wouldnt get drunk. I woke up at 10:45 and he still wasnt home. I called him, no answer. so I called my girlfiend to see if she had his brothers cell number. Ends up he's at my girlfriends house...Rip roaring DRUNK. I talk to him he hangs up on me so I go over there. Drag him out of the house (I'm usually very calm, hormones do crazy things to a girl) and screamed at lost it right there in the driveway. Beer in hand, he just shrugs. I ripped the beer out of his hand, drove him home, kicked him out of my car, and went to my friends house.
He has been calling me all week. I told him I didnt want to see him any more, that I couldnt unless he got help. He said he can do it on his own and that he doesnt need help. Mind you, This comming from a guy who has had 2 DUI's and has a breathalizer in his truck on a cinderella lisence.
I cant trust this guy around kids! He wont get help to get me bcak, even though he says he loves me and wants to marry me. I have such a soft spot for him. When he's sober, he is amazing! Horrible drunk! Not abusive, just a careless person. doesnt care about anything but himself. So much pain. I hate myself for letting me get in this deep. I wish I could just walk away and feel any amount of responisbility. I feel horrible.
My main question is what should I do? For myself and my baby? I know what It's like growing up without a father around and an alcoholic mother...I'm very use to it. I just dont want my child to go through what I went through. Either way, I lose. ANY advice is GREATLY appreciated....
Chef16....Do what you do for yourself and that baby.....I'm trying to stop drinking b/c I dont want to be that "alcoholic mother" you mentioned...
As for dude....only he can help himself. Kids have a way of changing people some for the better some for the worse.
As for alcoholics (like I consider myself), a husband and kids add to my stressors that 'trigger' my drinking....I cannot blame them, I only blame myself. My husband tries to help but he is an alcoholic too (in my eyes)....
sometimes we drink and dont get drunk, sometimes we drink and get tipsy, sometimes we drink and black out....not so fun when we have 3 kids to care for....trust me.
However, my husband and I love each other enough to know alcohol is not working for us, it is a way of life we created.... We rarely ever drink when our kids are up...I'm talking rarely ever!
The only person that can help your boyfriend is himself....
My brother died in 2008 from alcohol poisoning, not so cool.
You have enough on your plate than to babysit any grown man.
****misery loves company*****so try to stay happy and hopeful even in this rough time****
dayone
Hi Chef16, Welcome to SupportGroups.com . You have to think of you and your unborn child first. Have you ever been to Alanon http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ ? You might think about checking them out. They are a support group for loved ones of alcoholics. They also have meetings that you can attend. As for your boyfriend, he has to be willing to help himself. It is possible for him to get sober and stay sober but he will have to decide that. Keep coming and sharing with us. W are ere for you. ((((hugs))))
I have been to Alanon. I use to go with him t the classes when the courts ordered him to go after his 2 DUI. To be quite honest, It did nothing for me. It is based on the 12 steps and religion. And it works for some people, just not for me. That is why I am here....I guess just to vent ad maybe get some advice from people with the same issues.
Chef16...checking on you, I recommended ALanon to my husband b/c he has, "a way with words" lol...If he says something the way I dont like it, I hit the bottle...I went 4.5 days sober, had a couple drinks last night...not happy bout that, but I'm trying to go for a week now. AA did not wk for me the 1st time, but it is wkin for me now (sorta)lol.
Keep posting here it helps me.
dayone