I have decided to stop the EMDR hypnosis, and go back to just weekly therapy. I also started a group therapy this past Monday that meets weekly. It is for women who were the victims of childhood sexual abuse. I am really hopeful that it will help me process and find closure. But in the meantime, my eating related behaviors have gotten more eratic. I am lying about when and what I have eaten, I am restricting, purging, and craving that numb feeling that comes with starvation. But I KNOW BETTER! That is the problem. I freaking KNOW BETTER!
My partner and I have been together for 9 years. She has put up with my ED behaviors, multiple relapses, hospitalizations, etc for 9 years!! She is an amazing woman, and I am lying to her face every day.
She called me a few minutes ago in tears, she said, "You are determined to kill yourself and I am forced to just watch". I didn't know how to respond to that. I feel so lost right now.
Our loved ones often feel helpless to our ed's, my mom feels the same way-that I'm slowly killing myself and she just gets to sit by and watch. It hurts cuz I know for me I want to get better I just don't know how. I hope your new geoup works out for you...
Can I ask what made u want to stop the hypno therapy?
I stopped because I think I need to process what I have already discovered. The hypnosis was bringing up things from my past that I had forgotten. I grew up in a very abusive household, and don’t remember large parts of my childhood. The hypnosis was bring back those memories, and I got horribly overwhelmed. It all came back so fast, and I don’t know what to do with it or how to process it. I just don’t want to know anymore right now. I need time to deal with what I have. I might revisit it later, but for right now, it was doing more harm than good. It was making me self-destruct harder and faster with every memory that I brought back.