when i was in fourth grade, my teacher molested me in the classroom. shortly after, a friend of my mothers attempted to lure me into touching him inappropriately. with many altercations here and there over the years, another major form of abuse occurred with my current father figure at the time, who was related to me through marriage. my last issue with abuse was with my boyfriend, whom although i love unconditionally, he has affected me even further. its really complicated and im afraid that i simply dont know where to go from here. i want to satisfy his needs but i find myself feeling slutty or inappropriate during sex. our sex life revolves entirely around my past. everything i do reminds me of some way i was touched or someone who has violated me. i want to fix our problems but i dont know how. im not even sure whats wrong in the first place... if anyone has any advice or just wants to post there thoughts please do and thanks in advance.
Have you tried counseling, If you are a Christian ask him for help, I had to due to I was abused as a child and find it very hard to have a relationship than involves sex on a long term bases, I am afraid of geting hurt again. I feel that no guy want me due to the abuse and my extreme obese. I will not put up with too much drinking and I have no tolerance for illegal drugs.
I am sorry you went through all that. That is very difficult and very unfair. No matter what happened in your past you know that you deserve to be treated like a woman.
If your in a committed long-term relationship then you have a beautiful thing going on. I know it's hard, but it's important for you to know that what happens between you and your boyfriend needs to be separated from what happened in the past.
You are a good person and bad people did you wrong. Don't blame yourself for any of it. I can tell you prayer helps a lot. Pray for strength, direction and faith. Believe in yourself, stay a strong beautiful woman and put yourself first in all that you do. Take care!!!
Have your talked with your boyfriend about your feelings and how although you want to do for him, how it affects you? Coping with abuse is complicated and your feelings do not simly dissappear after the abuse is no longer happening. Your pain is normal and to not know how to cope is understandable. Have you tried contacting a rape crisis center? Many times a rape crisis counselor can help you to work through the difficulties you are currently experiencing.
We are here for you. Keep writing and know that you are not alone.
Blessings.
Hello Pittg24, I would also say that counselling is needed. It would be very difficult to overcome this problem by yourself. Childhood abuse affects us immensly - with low self-esteem, shame and guilt to degrees that other people can't even imagine. Wherever you live, look for a women's abuse centre and call for help. Do not feel ashamed when you do this; they are there to help you and you aren't the only one they will get a call from. My experience with these counsellors has been excellent. I was abused by my older brother when I was nine and did not tell anyone until five years ago (I'm 50). I had counselling on and off for years and then went back last year to get help in preparing to tell my parents. When I finally did this, it went extremely well because I was totally prepared. Also, because I always like to recommend a book, I would suggest you look at "The Courage to Heal". It is THE self-help book for women who have been sexually abused, and although it may be difficult to read at first (do small bits), it became a valuable reference tool for me. Good luck. I have the same difficulty as you with my husband, and still need to work on this.
I am using the book. Thanks
Thanks to everyone who has posted :) I really appreciate everyone's advice, and I am hoping to pick up some books to help me through. I have been in counseling my entire life, and unfortunately I don't have any medical insurance at the moment. This limitation leaves me to seek other sources, such as this website. Things are getting better with my boyfriend and I. Lately I have been practicing a technique of overcoming my thoughts and not letting them take me over. I tell myself no! It's not like that! It really seems to be helping... Thanks again!
You may want to see if any of the place have a sliding scale that is based on you income or go talk to a pastor of you choice. I will be pray that you can get thur this.
I was abused by my brother and when I finally told my Mother and Father,
my Mother never beleived me and it came back up several times in the past decades but she still does not believe me and
my Father died shortly after and asked why I never told him before so he could have stopped it, he did beleive me
My sister and her husband now know and my family disliked me for a long time because I always had issues with things and people and always seemed to get into trouble,
Yet honestly I attracted BAD PEOPLE and Still do...
I was Aducted and Raped for about 4 weeks as well.
Sexually I was a mess and had sex seeking love.
I am still a mess but I think better some...
But relationships and marriage escape me still...
SO...
What can you do...
TIME...
At one point in life and this happens many times over your life, You just heal some, the day you all of a sudden go, well, it is OVER and DONE. It actually just stops being so important.
Do you understand ???
I think we can make it happen more
Saying to yourself, it is over, SAY It LOUD all th things that hurt you about it and are MAD ABOUT. Scream !!! Get sad, angry and so on...
but then say to yourself, OK NOW it is OVER, NO MORE...
I OWN ME !!!
I deserve the BEST !!!
I am GREAT !!!
Positive reenforcement.
get it out and then HEAL...
SAY The things out loud, scream and cry, find a place to do it. Forest, Empty house, etc...
Try it and maybe it takes a few times to do but It will help, if at least a little to take some pain away...