Struggling to deal with everything at the moment. Been put on medication to help but its not. Every thought or feeling I had before feels like it has been amplified and is so much worse. Ive lost the one person I could go to, she wants nothing more to do with me. Thinking that it would be easier just to end it all, just so all these feelings go away. I have never felt more alone
Hi there. Your not alone here. we are here. Ending it isn't the answer. I know it's rough right now, but things have a way of turning around when you least expect it. Hang in there, this too shall pass my friend. Hugs
It's important to remember that you aren't alone. No one is. I'm here for you :)
My head just feels like a jumble of things at the moment. I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate of anything, I've feel like i have completely lost myself. I used to be a bubbly person who was up for anything, but now all i want to do is curl in a ball and just cry. But i don't feel i can go to anyone and talk about what I'm feeling because I'm scared of loosing them. Suggestions about how to overcome this would be very much appreciated?
@EmJoHi remember that the people in your life love you and want to help you. They can’t unless you talk to them. I know how scary it is to show the vulnerable parts of yourself but if they love you they will want to help you. Also talking to people who understand what you’re going through helps because they won’t be afraid of what you have to say.
I read something the other day. It was a quote that I found online- it read, "I am not sad that I lost someone who didn't love me. I am sad because they lost someone who truly loved them."
This quote spoke to me. A few months ago, I lost my best friend... the love of my life. We did everything together. I live in a small city, a beautiful place with many things to do. The problem is, we did most of them. I cannot go anywhere without the thought of him. It's something that I can't get away from. I loved him more than I loved myself. I put my entire life on our friendship, and when I lost him, I lost myself.
The thing is, I loved him so much and he gave me up. He let me go and he hasn't fought for me since. A couple months ago, I found out that I was pregnant. It hurts my heart because the ONLY person I could ever feel like I could go to, I don't have in the same way that I used to. My heart was, and is still completely broken into a million pieces.
Here's the thing, though. As hard as it has been to feel so alone and to feel so unworthy and unloved, I realized in the midst of all that hurt... that the only thing that I know for sure is the certainty of the fact that I have a huge heart. You sound like me, in a lot of ways. Judging by your post, you sound like someone who looks for validation in everyone other than yourself. Let me tell you, honey, that's something that I have struggled with for 19 years. I have finally learned, in the past few months that I am worth so much more than the feeling that one person gave me. It has been so incredibly hard to feel like I have a purpose, but now I do. In a few months, I will have someone that will love me unconditionally for the rest of my life, and that is something that has saved me. I realized that there is so much more in this world than the negativity that I have felt in myself over the past few years, and especially in the past few months. I have gone countless nights, crying, feeling as if I didn't want to wake up in the morning. But you know what? I realized that tomorrow morning, there will be another opportunity outside of my door. I will have the choice to seize it, follow it, and grow from the positivity. You know what else? I realized that every day, I wake up and there's another opportunity waiting for me. All I had to do was wake up and look for it. You can do that too. Trust me, there is nothing in your life that isn't worth seeing- nor is there anything in your life that is as bad as it seems. Wake up, smell the roses, and see the world. If you don't have any roses, go buy some. If some days you feel like it's hard to see the world in front of you- go to the doctor, you might need an eye exam. Grab some glasses. YOU have the power to change your life. The power is not in your friend, just as it wasn't in mine. It's unfortunate that it took an unplanned pregnancy to slap me in the face and realize what I am worth, but you have the chance to realize unlike I did. You ARE worth more than you think. Find what you love about yourself, and embrace it. If you feel like you don't love anything about yourself, think harder. Go out and enjoy life. I promise you, there is a bright path ahead of you. If it feels dark, grab a flashlight and KEEP ON MOVING. You are not alone. You are worthy, you are beautiful, you are happy. Believe those things about yourself. I believe them about you.
I wish you the best of luck, and I am praying for you.
@simplyk Thank you. Ive been through a lot with the person since opening up to them, especially in the last few months. I know i have to stand on my own two feet, and I’m trying to. Its just bloody hard. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I too found out a while ago i was expecting, but it didn’t work out. And i had my friend there to support me. Now that she is no longer there and I’m having to face things on my own its hard. I moved away from my family and friends to be where i am now and she was the only person i really had. Im trying so hard to get on with things, but all i feel like is giving up and giving in to what the voice in my mind is telling me to do. There are other people here, but they don’t understand, not like she did. And I’m too scared to let them in, because in the back of my mind they are only going to leave me when i need them the most.
Im trying so hard to stay strong, put all my time into the things i used to love, but its just not working. I don’t have the energy to do anything, my work is being effected by it all, and I’m not strong enough to deal with all my feelings by myself.
Oh honey, I wish you knew how wrong you are. You are so, so strong. You are much stronger than you think you are. Believe that about yourself. The more you pull yourself down, the harder it will be to pick yourself back up. The best thing in the world that you can do for your life is to live it. I feel for you on a completely personal level, because every day I am struggling with the heartbreak of losing the love of my life... a best friend that I thought that I would have forever. I am sure you felt the same about your friend. Here is the thing, though. The power that you are destined to is not in the means of any friendship. The hope, the strength, and the power that you have is found in YOU. No one else. Your work is being affected because you are letting it- trust me. I know that you feel weak, and I know that at times you must feel like you have nowhere to turn. Promise me something, though. Promise me that when you feel like that, you will look in the mirror or stop and turn to yourself and tell yourself that YOU are ENTITLED to happiness. The way you feel about your life and the way you choose to handle your hardships is on you, and it is on God if that is at all what you believe. I'm not here to harp on that, though. The point of my message to you is that you are so strong. I promise you that. There is nothing in this world that you can't conquer because you are a WONDERFUL human being. Quit worrying about who sees that in you- see it in yourself. Screw anyone else who doesn't believe you when you say "hey, you know what? I am worth MORE than this." Go out, make new friends. Put all of your energy that you have left into your work. Distract yourself. Do good. Make things possible- because anything is. You know what else is possible? The strength that you have, but cannot see in yourself. It's there. I promise. Bring it out. Love yourself, you don't need anyone else. Quit worrying about people leaving. Quit worrying where others will go and focus on the places YOU want to go. Okay? Be happy for YOURSELF and no one else.
@simplyk I don’t feel like i deserve to be happy though. i feel that i should be punishing myself. I hate the person i am. I hate the fact that i relied on someone that much, and that i drove them away.
I felt the same way. I still feel that way sometimes. I feel like there are a million things that I could have done differently. I keep circling over possibilities and scenarios that could have saved us. The things is, I still felt like we had hope and now my whole life is changing, and he's going off with the chance to be young and experience things that I thought we were going to experience together... and now these are things I'm not sure that I will get to experience myself now. I relied on him for everything. My happiness, my safety, my security... but in the past few months, I realized that I relied on him because I loved him so much. I have so much love and care in my heart, and I feel like you do too. Anyone who is willing to give that up, isn't worth our times, as hard as it is. Some people are meant to be temporary. Some people are meant to come into our lives, give us happiness and memories to think of when we are older... but aren't meant to stick around. It sucks that life has to be like this sometimes, but it's what makes us human. People come and go so that we learn, we grow, and we can make room for the ones who are meant to stay forever.
Don't let this experience define you, do not blame yourself over something you cannot change. You have every right to be happy and you deserve every bit of happiness that you find. Depend on yourself- there is nothing more beautiful than the person you are, and I can tell because I know that your heart is much like mine- full of love, compassion, and hope. Use that to your best ability. Channel some of the love, compassion, and hope into your own thoughts and your own actions. You heart is not full of hate. Love yourself like you loved your friend. Believe in yourself like you relied on them to believe in you.