Im really struggling with my OCD obsessions and compulsions. My counting/cleaning/washing/walking and checking rituals are unbearble and horrid.
I cant seem to break out of this. Its driving me mad I am thinking I am worthless and nobody likes me .
Its been like this for a few weeks slowly growing my anxiety and I am at breaking point.
I recently had some trouble with a nieghbour who has a x partner who live in the same block of flats as me. They hav a son and at the last visitation session my neigbour he refused to give the child back and I reacted by threatening him , I no what i said was wrong and I also no that I shouldnt have said that what I did say I appologized for my actions.
Every thing seemed to have relaxed and the situation seemed carm. Until recently when I recieved a letter from my friends solictor with a letter sent by my neighbour saying That I was a violent man and had episode of extreme violence. Before I continue I would like to say that I have been to prison for my violence but in the past 7 years I have never shown any violent behaviour .
Continuing in this letter He also said that I have been violent to my child which I have never been violent to my child she was 1 year old when i went to prison and I served 2 and a half years inside prison. And when I was in prison I took help seasions to control my anger and from that day on I have never shown any violent behaviour. My child is 8 years old now. I love my child and have never shown any violence towards her. This lie has totally sent my compulsion over the edge I am having thoughts about Ending my life, ending these rituals finally and also images and thoughts about people walking all over me and talking about me. I am a strong man and I would like to think that i would never take my life but theses thoughts and this little voice in my head are saying end it then it will be all over and that i could be free from my OCD AND DIABETIES. I hope that you understand I would never think of taking my own life I have a beautiful daughter to look after so why should I but these thoughts are growing and getting darker every day.
Hopefully some one can give me a little guidence in coping with these thoughts. I no people in this section of this website have OCD and I no you all have problems and please dont say any thing if this has upset you because I dont want any one making themselve obsessive and compulsive.
I feel your frustration. I also have OCD, anger issues, and Diabetes - awful combination. Do you ever feel that your Diabetes contributes to your sense of helplessness, especially when hypoglycemic? I really think that more studies should be done on the link between depression and Diabetes.
I'm really sorry you are feeling so down. I don't have much advise other than to keep your daughter on your mind when you have thoughts of ending it all. It really helps me when I feel that way. Remember to check your blood sugar also. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt desperate and hopeless, triggered not only by my OCD, but also by low blood sugar. As soon as I brought my sugar up, I felt much better (as good as snyone with OCD can really feel).
Take care. I'll say a prayer for you.
Vicki
Yes I feel that my diabeties plays a massive part of my OCD
Its same as you that feeling of being helplessness.
I have mad clening binges were I can clean for hours any where from 7 to 15 hours and because of my OCD i cannot stop I have to do every thing to my plan which is inside my head and stopping to hav something to eat deosnt fit into that plan. I no I should stop and eat but the compulsions and images keep me cleaning. Then the enevitable happen low blood sugar, hypo then unconcious the I always seem to come round thats when I hav some gluca gel then some thing to eat. But I get more compulsive and the cleaning of myself starts because I sweet alot and other things so this leads to feeling dirty which i am. So OCD start again deosnt go on for a long time because of the having some thing to eat and the rise in my blood sugar.
I also think that my diabeties is very well controlled but I think that my OCD makes me control it which in the long run isnt very good I try to keep my blood sugars at a constent level and This is my OCD because no persons blood sugars are on a perfect level even normal peoples.
Yes I also think there should be some research done into diabeties and depression. I am on a drug called Fluvoxamine
which i take for my OCD its a anti depressant but this drug deosnt work with diabeties when a diabetic is ill or depressed because blood sugars rise and the effect isnt the same.I am writing about my OCD on A BLOG format telling how I suffer from compulsions and obsessions a daily diary sort of thing and also I am doing some research online about OCD and the effects on diabeties hopefully soon I will publish the finding and experiences.
Thankyou for your comment a little comment means alot to me make it a little bit easyer. :-)
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You sound like a good man.
There's a book by Dr Charles Clark called "the Diabetes revolution". He is a diabetes specialist in the UK. He recommends limiting carbs, but says you can load up on fat and protein. This goes against current conventional advice, but he makes a good case for his approach. And all this low fat orthodoxy is nonsense in any case - of that I am fairly sure. His approach might be worth a try for you.
"Feeling Good" by David Burns is a good CBT book. I mention his book because you are thinking thoughts that are far too harsh on yourself, and clearly unrealistic. I think you need to argue against these thoughts in the way Dr Burns suggests.
I wish you well. My OCD has got better. It can go away.